Five ways to maintain your mystery
So: you’ve been looking at the UofT website for weeks now, seeing people eating hot dogs on the quad in various coloured shirts, and you’re excited to don some face paint and make a group of multicultural friends. If you’re anything like me, you actively try to deny the existence of your corporeal form. This becomes difficult when you have to be in a situation where photos will be taken, such as Orientation. Therefore, so you can enjoy all the fun of Orientation Week while keeping that sweet veil of secrecy you’ve worked so hard to cultivate, I’ve created a sure-fire way to make sure photos of you don’t make the cut for next year’s website.
Always be moving as much and as fast as you can.
If you’re blurry, they can’t use the photo. I recommend learning the Naruto run, which you should be doing anyways as we all prepare for the area 51 raid (see you there).
Look too excited.
Yes, I could tell you to look bored, which obviously wouldn’t be good for UofT’s brand, but do you know what’s more deterring? Seeing someone look like they’re enjoying something so much that you genuinely don’t know if they’re okay. Keep your eyebrows raised and your eyeballs bulged, and never stop screaming.
Wear an Orientation shirt from previous years.
Go on eBay and get some merch that’s not old enough to be cool and vintage but not new enough for it to be relevant. Wash it six or eight times and wear it rolling down a hill for added holes. Make sure to always be in a group of people wearing the new, 2019 shirts for extra standout potential.
Wear merch from other schools.
Your boyfriend goes to Carleton? Great, steal his hoodie. Your best friend goes to Western and got you a shot glass? Drink only out of that. Your parents graduated from Cambridge? Their hat is now your hat. Bring one or all of these things to all Orientation events.
Wear a green-screen-coloured shirt
This might be the hardest to execute but it would be the coolest in my opinion. Go to Walmart or the thrift store and buy a shirt (or a dress! or pants!) the exact colour of a green screen. The University wouldn’t dare publish a photo of you wearing this, as it would be prime real estate for hackers to make the shirt say whatever they want it to. Or, it will look like someone in the editing room forgot to add a shirt on to one of the models. Either way, you come out a winner.
XOXO,
Stay mysterious, my friends!
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