So, it’s the end of another night out, and you come home. That’s right: alone. Again. Maybe you talked to one woman, maybe you talked to 20, but something just isn’t clicking! All you walk away with is a decent conversation, and we know that’s not enough. And listen, we also know this can’t be because she’s actually not interested! The problem isn’t you; it’s just that you don’t know how to make enough of an impression. Keep reading for foolproof tips and tricks to make sure you’re the one driving her absolutely wild this year!
- Netflix and Chill—We know, we know: so overdone, right? Think again, fellas! We want to draw your attention to a category on Netflix a lot of people miss, called “Featuring A Strong Female Lead.” Everyone knows these are totally different from regular movies, so offering to watch one shows her how generous and cultured you are… meaning the babe on the screen isn’t the only one you’ll be watching for long!
- Ask Her Where She’s From—Only if she’s not white, obviously. By invoking an inevitable feeling of alienation on her part, you will ensure your dominance in the conversation. Pro tip—mention how “exotic” she looks, like a tropical bird or a coconut. It’s a compliment!
- Brag About Her Behind Her Back—Seriously, doing this is like huffing a glue stick: it will get you so temporarily high! Whether your encounter was last night or years ago, make sure you keep telling your buddies—maybe even some casual acquaintances—how one time something maybe happened. When news gets back to her, why wouldn’t she be thrilled?
- Tell Everyone You Want To Get With Her—Emphasize it so much, it becomes part of her identity. Insane flattery, right? What quicker way to a woman’s heart than to have her identity reduced to your sexual desire for her…but, come to think of it, we guess it’s not really her heart you’re aiming for, are we right??
- Spin Her Around…A Lot!—This ol’ move is so underrated, fellas! If you meet a girl at a crowded venue, preferably with loud music, take her hand and literally spin her around a whole bunch. She’ll be so dizzy and confused that she’ll literally be falling at your feet!
- Master “The Sigh”—Your secret weapon, right here. Drop your head down as you let out a long, sad sigh when things aren’t going your way. She asks to use a condom? Sigh. She doesn’t want to go further tonight? Sigh. Trust us, unwarranted guilt is every woman’s weak spot, so use it!
- Follow Her When She’s Out Walking—Simple as that! She’ll appreciate the company, and the adrenaline she’ll feel upon suddenly realizing you are there will fuel a conversation she’ll never forget. One last hint: nothing starts a conversation better than yelling something about her appearance. If she doesn’t respond, don’t worry! She just didn’t hear you. Yell again. Louder.
There you go, fellas! Use these tips, and you’ll be thanking us later. If you have a son, make sure he learns these tips too; after all, fatherhood is all about setting an example. Happy hunting!
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