Halloween: the time for binging every horror movie known to mankind, dressing up in spooky costumes, and carving pumpkins. These are everyone’s spooky season highlights, right? WRONG! For me, it’s all about the candy—and I will never feel guilty about eating delectable sweets. I have strong opinions on where each sweet belongs in the candy hierarchy, ranging from “THE ABSOLUTE BEST” to “Why on earth would someone create this monstrosity?”
Drumroll, please! Here are my rankings for Halloween candies, from worst to best. This may be the most accurate ranking you’ll ever see (and if you disagree, it’s probably because you’re wrong).
10. Candy Corn
Hands down the worst candy to ever exist. The taste, the texture, and even the colour throws me off. Have you ever seen someone willingly buy candy corn? Rumor has it that feeding someone candy corn is equivalent to torture.
9. Starbursts
Not as exciting as the other candies. Does not have the thrill or pizzazz required to sit with other candies at the lunch table. Also, there is only, like, one good flavor in the entire bag.
8. Whoppers / Maltesers
Not to be confused with the beef burgers at Burger King (trust me—been there, done that). These are a little too chewy for my liking. They just feel a little too waxy, which is kind of suspicious if you think about it.
7. Twizzlers
I’m not mad at them. I can appreciate them. They’re a great alternative to straws. A bag of Twizzlers goes a long way, especially for nibbling on while watching a movie.
6. Sour Patch Kids
You know how the saying goes, “First they’re sour, then they’re sweet”? This truly encapsulates the emotional journey you go through while eating a Sour Patch kid. Sidenote: the blue one is the best one, and if the bag were filled with all blue Sour Patch kids it would have been higher on this list.
5. Oh Henry!
Okay, hear me out on this one. It has the big three: fudge, caramel, and peanuts (I’m sorry if you’re allergic). Cover all of these things in chocolate and you’ve got yourself an immaculate bar of candy. Also, it’s Canadian, so bonus points, I guess?
4. M&M’s
What’s not to like about M&M’s? Also, they absolutely must be peanut M&M’s—all the others can sit on the side. These are very snackable; you can finish the whole bag easily by yourself. Oh, and the best ones are the blue ones (obvi).
3. Twix
We have made it to the top three, and Twix wins bronze. Three words: caramel, cookies, and chocolate. That’s it. That’s the argument. Seriously though, what I love about Twix is that you can taste the difference between the left bar and the right bar (and there definitely is one)!!!
2. Kit Kat
It’s only fair that Kit Kat takes the silver medal. They are so addicting and totally classic. There’s quite a controversy surrounding the right way to eat a Kit Kat, and if my Halloween candy doesn’t have a controversy associated with it, I don’t want it. (It’s what gives them character.)
1. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Ladies and Gentlemen… HER!
The absolute, unrivaled winner. I mean, who doesn’t love chocolate and peanut butter? The only thing I’ll say to explain why Reese’s is number one is that this candy is to the ranking list what Taylor Swift is to the music industry (the girls who get it, get it).