This one goes out to all our hybrid babies, still in the online world, Zooming their way into undergrad…
Oh, hey. It’s me, logging on to my computer again, trying to ignore the impending sense of dread as I join my next Zoom call. Whether it’s a class or a club meeting or a call with my Meemaw—all I know is that I don’t want to be there. And that, most likely, the other people don’t want to be there either. So hey, let’s talk about that. Let’s talk about the bad times, and how to turn them into good times. Here are my top five fun and funky tips for battling Zoom fatigue. (I thought about making ten, but I figured you’re already trained from online school to go on your phone after approximately 30 seconds of stimulation.)
- Look, I don’t know about you, but having my camera on for more than an hour at a time kind of makes me wanna vom. And not because I don’t love myself. I’m pretty cool with a ‘k’. It’s just that, after a while, I start to do that thing where I think about what faces I’m making as I’m listening instead of aCTuAlly listening. Do I look attentive? Am I smiling enough? The answer is almost always no. So, my first suggestion is to not be afraid to minimize the tab when you can, or even turn your camera off for a second. Close your eyes. Have a sip of water. If this advice feels too obvious or too genuine for a comedy column, it’s because I know we all need to feel more litty and less shitty right now.
- Get. A. Snack. On. Your. Break. Do it! Don’t you remember that childlike sense of excitement you’d get when you knew a sweet, sweet snack was heading your way? Imagine feeling that for the first hour of your Zoom class. Eat those Scooby Snacks when you need them most. And start with the blue one. (This is coming from a connoisseur of THE Scooby Doo franchise and all related snacks. It may be the only area where I’ll ever be considered an expert.)
- Make a joke. You don’t have to be a stand-up comedian. Honestly, it’s better if you’re not that funny at all. If you can make a wisecrack, then it might just lighten the weightiness of online life for a moment, and remind everyone that we’re all human on the other sides of our screens. Come on guys, let’s make each other giggle.
- Cry about it! Seriously!! If you’re having trouble getting there, just take a whiff of those sweatpants you’ve been wearing without fail for two weeks straight. Or glance at your split ends. Shit, sorry, I’m supposed to be making you feel better. But hey, if Bo Burnham is considered funny for making us all look at our own sense of isolated inertia for an hour and a half, maybe I can point out that we all reek.
- Step outside. If you can find the time for a walk, then oh hell yeah, take it. We’ve got to breathe in and sneeze out all that pollen while we still can before it’s back to the cold, dead winter.
Those are my tips! They’re simple, so maybe you’ll use them! I know I haven’t.