The Pasta Revolution
Hello, fellow students at Vic. I’m here to talk to you about the single most important issue any of you will face in your undergraduate years.
I’m sure that some of you have been involved in activism on campus. Others are probably too tired to do anything but pass out in front of their computers after ten straight hours of studying, regretting all of the life choices they made that brought them to UofT.
This message is for all of you: the socially conscious and the not, the commuters and the people who can somehow afford downtown rent prices (did you guys sell a kidney? I have questions).
Here it goes: we need Ned’s pasta back.
Everyone at Vic knows and loves Ned’s–the cosy little café with its couches and easy snacks you can grab on your way to your next lecture. The atmosphere is amazing which makes up for the fact that campus food plays hopscotch with your bowels.
And the greatest indignity of all: you don’t get to pick your own meal! You’re merely given the illusion of variety with the hot meal—which varies from day to day.
But what if I told you that it hadn’t always been this way and that you had been conditioned to accept mediocrity? The truth the establishment doesn’t want you to know is that once upon a time (during the last school year), you could have had your own personally designed pasta cooked right in front of you in a matter of minutes.
The options were endless. You could pick between different pasta types, like penne and linguine. Then your options expanded further: did you want marinara sauce or alfredo? Best of all, you could choose your own veggie and meat toppings (three of basically thirty). Was this a paradise hitherto undreamt of on Earth, or a university café? It was hard to tell.
One thing I can tell you for sure is that Ned’s pasta made every day better. The conversations held in the lines of people waiting for pasta were proof that it brought the Vic community together. And although this better form of food was unjustly ripped away from us, that doesn’t mean we have to take it lying down.
Students of Victoria College, the time for revolution is now!
We need to protest the replacement of the pasta that we cherished so deeply, to come out in mass for the most important issue of our undergraduate careers. Go on a hunger strike. Stop going to classes, and join what will soon be the mile-long line of brave souls outside of Ned’s.
Let us all dream of a better, pasta-filled future together.