If you live and love on the little island of Manhattan, you are bound to come across many, many men—after all, that’s why it’s called Man-hattan. But, as learnt from the adventures of Carrie Bradshaw and her three besties in Sex and the City, this bulk of bachelors is not all that it seems. Whether it be modelizers, cheats, impotent WASPs, or the withholding Mr. Big, these boyfriends rarely prove to be happily-ever-after material. Nonetheless, the many romances of Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha prove that, for some, true love is out there (and his name is Harry).
Questions like: “Can sex co-exist with a city?” “Do happy endings exist?” “Are all men evil?” and “Why do we ladies hate bisexuals so much?” see themselves addressed for six seasons, two movies, and an upcoming Samantha-less HBO Max revival; yet one question remains unanswered. That question being: If we got all the boyfriends from Sex and the City and put ‘em in a big coliseum and had ‘em all fight each other, who would win?
[It is important to note that the answer to this question is not a value judgment on these men as lovers (we already know it goes: Harry’s the best, Robert Leeds is a doctor for the Knicks, Smith has a rockin’ bod, Steve is alright but not a doctor for the Knicks, etc.) but purely a judgment of how they match up in a big sweaty man battle.]
After being airlifted to the death coliseum—which would be the obvious stage for this sort of engagement—the Sex and the City boyfriends would be given the challenge of besting all the others while only making use of their fists and attributes presented in the show.
Let’s single out a few of the men.
Wade is a nerd—nerds are bad at fighting and that is why bullies beat them up.
Ray King likes jazz in the weird, white guy way—ew.
Stephan got scared by a mouse.
Skipper is a “nice guy”: he’d get trampled.
Jack Berger is the worst—he is insecure, a coward, and worst of all, a writer! There are no sleep ambience machines in the death coliseum, Jack.
Harry is already the best husband; you can’t be a good husband, lawyer, AND fighter— that just would not be fair. Although his baldness means it would be harder to grapple the top of his head.
So who really stands a chance? Smith Jerrod. I think Smith Jerrod would win. He might have the most rocking bod of all the Sex and the City boys, and I think, for that reason, he’s one of the top contenders. His acting abilities might lend themselves to battlefield trickery as well.
At the end of the day, it’s just like Carrie said:“The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with the other men in the death coliseum. And if you can be the one who beats all the other men in the death coliseum, well, that’s just fabulous.”