Modern love advice for the modern student
Dear Stranded,
Valentine’s Day is coming up, but my boyfriend doesn’t want to do anything! I know it’s midterm season, but he hasn’t left Robarts in weeks. He’s even resorted to hiding in the bookshelves on Saturdays, so he can have more time to code. His diet consists solely of the iced lemon loaf from the Robarts Starbucks. One time, I tried to pull him out of Robarts so we could get lunch from one of the food trucks on St. George Street, and he hissed at me. When I talked to him about how I wish we could spend more time together, he told me that as a humanities student, I just don’t understand the special relationship he has with his so-called “precious princess ‘puter,” which is what he calls his MacBook.
Maybe I’m crazy, but I still love him! I love the way his eyes light up when he stares at his computer (though that might just be the screen’s reflection in his glasses). I love the way he smiles when he gets a Discord message notification. I love the way he smells when he finally takes a shower after three months. The point is, I’d love to spend February 14 with him, but I’d rather not spend another Valentine’s Day watching him play League of Legends. What should I do?
Lovesick and lonely,
CompSci Girlfriend
Dear CompSci Girlfriend,
Who says you can’t have a romantic evening in Robarts? After all, home is where the heart is, and for Computer Science students, what’s more homey than our beautiful, brutalist, peacock-shaped library with no windows? My friend, I present to you, a couple of date night ideas from yours truly.
1. Have a chill movie night! Book a private study room and hop on Netflix—until you lose track of time and the person who reserved it for the hour after you opens the door and says “um, I think I booked this room…” and watches awkwardly as you walk out and whisper some quick apologies.
2. Play hide-and-seek! Though I can’t promise you’ll ever be found…
3. Let him take you on a tour of Robarts! Since he spends so much of his time there, he must be an excellent tour guide. If you think about it, this is just like sightseeing in Europe… except indoors, in downtown Toronto, and in close proximity to many sad, sad people.
4. Break up with him. He may be cheating on you with a computer. Have you checked his messages with ChatGPT?
XOXO,
Stranded