Cupid (read: the Features Editor) is back again so that The Strand won’t be lonely this Valentine’s Day! Most of us are probably more excited about our illustrations than the prospect of finding a date, but when you’ve been in social isolation for almost a year, this is about as intimate as it gets. If you too are looking for love this February 14, check out our talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, showstopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before (virginity is a social construct anyways), sexy masthead.
Don’t leave us stranded on Valentine’s Day!
Seriously. Call us.
Illustrations by Yoon-Ji Kweon
Ellen Grace
Position: Co-Allergen-in-Chief
What’s your relationship status?
I’ve fallen in love or imagine that I have; went to a party and lost my head. Bought a horse which I don’t need at all.
Describe your ideal type.
Sequin smile, black lipstick, sensual politic.
Describe your idea of a perfect date.
We go to the ROM, we steal a map of Toronto’s underground tunnels. We use this map to enter the tunnel system and come out inside Toronto’s premier music venue, The Rivoli. Once inside, we hack the computer to get ourselves on the band list, and then they’ll have to let us play a show.
What’s your favourite method of communication?
Beginner/Intermediate conversational Russian.
Hadiyyah Kuma
Position: Co-Editor-in-Chief
Describe your ideal type.
Park Jimin of BTS.
What’s your biggest turn-on?
Kang Seulgi of Red Velvet.
What’s your biggest turn-off?
People who are not Park Jimin of BTS or Kang Seulgi of Red Velvet.
What’s your deepest fear?
DOOM: capitalism will never be abolished, and we’ll be selling our souls forever.
Abbie Moser
Position: Production Manager
What’s your relationship status?
My “boyfriend” is an avid bird watcher, so you could say that I’m single.
Describe your idea of a perfect date.
We listen to my “Songs That Make Me Want to DIE” playlist while I explain why FKA Twigs and Robert Pattinson are soulmates and that I’d do anything for more paparazzi couple pictures of them to exist.
What’s a deal-breaker for you?
A man who isn’t going to therapy, doesn’t plan on going, and/or has never seen a therapist.
What does love mean to you?
Giving me as much attention as I want and as often as I ask for it without complaining.
Sarah Abernethy
Position: News Editor
Describe your most awkward date.
Pulp Fiction and a goodbye pat on the head.
Name a song that describes your love life.
Is it bad if I say “No Scrubs” by TLC?
How do you usually end a relationship?
I try to be nice???
Fuck, marry, kill: Toebi Magwire, Anne-drue Garfeel’d, Talm Hallindt.
I’ve never seen a single Spiderman movie, but Talm Hallindt seems like husband material.
T Williams
Position: Opinions Editor
What’s your relationship status?
Taken 🥰
Name a song that describes your love life.
“Sweet-Lovin’ Man” by The Magnetic Fields (humorously) “Boreas” by The Oh Hellos (seriously).
Describe your ideal type.
1/3 effeminate gay guy, 1/3 flamboyant lesbian, 1/3 drag king.
What does love mean to you?
Time, companionship, a sense of recognition.
Khadija Alam
Position: Cupid
What’s your biggest turn-off?
When my wife looks at me after I specifically asked her not to!!
What’s a deal-breaker for you?
Not understanding obscure mythological references.
What would you do for love?
Try to find a Valentine’s Day date for everyone on The Strand’s masthead.
What wouldn’t you do for love?
Serious journalism.
Mena Fouda
Position: Arts and Culture Editor
What’s your biggest turn-on?
People who use bidets, baby!
What’s your biggest turn-off?
People who neglect their hygiene by omitting the bidet from their routine!!!
Describe your idea of a perfect date.
We go to a Farmer’s Market… We buy fresh herbs and vegetables… At home, we’re cooking together… I hold up a spoon and ask you to taste something… You tell me what it’s missing (maybe cumin… or a little coriander?)…
Name a song that describes your love life.
Josephine Foster – “I’m a Dreamer.”
James Hannay
Position: Stranded Editor
What’s your favourite pick-up line?
Do you work at Pizza Hut? Because you’re hot and I’m ready.
Two truths and a lie.
I’ve met DJ Tiesto, I haven’t broken a bone, I don’t know how to make Eggs Benedict (Lie).
What’s your favourite method of communication?
Two truths and a lie.
Fuck, marry, kill: Toebi Magwire, Anne-drue Garfeel’d, Talm Hallindt.
Marry Toebi Magwire, Fuck Talm Hallindt, and Kill Anne-drue Garfeel’d.
Faith Wershba
Position: Senior Copyeditor
Describe your ideal type.
Enjoys crossword puzzles, enjoys regular puzzles, drinks copious amounts of tea, and will listen to me talk about immunology even if they’re not particularly interested (but bonus points if they are).
What’s your favourite pick-up line?
“If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable.” I found this online when I searched for “funny pick-up lines” and I gotta say it’s the best one I’ve ever heard.
Two truths and a lie.
1. I’ve been to all 50 states. 2. I met Hannah Montana once. 3. I am (distantly) related to the guy who invented Morse code.
What would you do for love?
Be vulnerable :o
Morgan Murray
Position: Photo Editor
Describe your ideal type.
Older men—preferably undead.
What’s your biggest turn-on?
Dark circles, painted nails, long hair, looks like they haven’t slept in 69 years.
What’s your biggest turn-off?
Sadly, I don’t have any, everything is a turn-on (might be the Scorpio in me).
What’s a deal-breaker for you?
Men with names starting with any letter between A-Z.
Elizabeth Shaw
Position: Associate Stranded Editor
What’s your biggest turn-on?
Andrew Garfield in Spiderman.
What’s your biggest turn-off?
Any Spiderman who is not Andrew Garfield in Spiderman.
What’s your deepest fear?
Being asked personal questions and answering them honestly.
Fuck, marry, kill: Toebi Magwire, Anne-drue Garfeel’d, Talm Hallindt.
Fuck and marry Andrew Garfield, kill the others.
Rion Levy
Position: Editorial Assistant
What’s your relationship status?
As complicated as this year.
Describe your idea of a perfect date.
You sneaking us into the Trinity quad.
What’s a deal-breaker for you?
Being from Trinity.
What’s your deepest fear?
Trinity.
Janna Abbas
Position: Editorial Assistant
What’s your relationship status?
Single-r than a Pringle at this point.
What’s your biggest turn-on?
“Yes, I will tell you my sign and the exact time of my birth.”
What’s a deal-breaker for you?
Geminis, guys who think Pulp Fiction is the best movie ever made, and Crocs-wearers.
Fuck, marry, kill: Toebi Magwire, Anne-drue Garfeel’d, Talm Hallindt.
Fuck Anne-drue Garfeel’d, marry Toebi Magwire, kill Talm Hallindt. No, I will not be elaborating on this, thank you very much!
Seavey van Walsum
Position: Illustrator
Who’s your celebrity crush?
Oscar Isaac and other such men over 40.
What’s your biggest turn-on?
A Ben 10 watch.
What’s your biggest turn-off?
“Do you wanna watch Star Wars with me?”, “I want kids”.
Two truths and a lie.
I know how to kiss, I don’t know how to kiss, I physically have a tongue.
