“Cowboy” is on the way out

Cowboys have been dominating the cultural zeitgeist for the last few years: cowboy parties, chic western wear, country music made by hot people. But if The Strand knows about it, that means it has already been dead for six months. I’m a trend forecaster for Teen Vogue and The Economist (in foreign affairs). Here are my predictions for the next big cultural moment: 

1. JUST COW. In 2022, we’re dropping the boy because we’re all about celebrating awesome women (all cows are girls). Boy is now reserved for “farm,” “little drummer,” and “Soulja.” 

2. HAVING A QUIZZICAL MIND. On the horizon, we will be thinking about many different things and being curious. Many of us will be asking questions we have never asked before, and stopping at nothing to get our answers! 

3. HOT PEOPLE WORKING AT CANADA POST. This new aesthetic will be all about knee-length navy shorts and having gorgeously sculpted calves because you walk a lot. 

4. HAUNTED DOLLS. Many of us will be both owning and dressing like haunted dolls. We will be finding them on eBay and purchasing matching looks for nights out with our girlies. Think American Girls with vengeful spirits who have been wronged in death—that’s who we will be getting bottle service for at the club. 

5. DRINKING ONE I.P.A. This trend is all about chilling out with your friends or rolling solo. It’s about embracing the whimsical chaos of life, sitting back in your lawn chair and thinking to yourself, “huh, ain’t that something?” 

6. JACOB TREMBLAY (AGAIN). Jacob Tremblay made a huge splash when he came on the scene in 2015. In 2022 he’s back, and we will all be embracing his little sweetheart aesthetic. Think Tremblay-themed birthdays, bachelor parties, and even baby showers. 

7. TODDLERS IN BIG COATS. Finally, these unsung heroes will be getting the hype they deserve! We will be adopting a childlike wonder and an appreciation for weather appropriate outerwear. We will be feeling soooo little and cute in our warm outfits. 

8. YOUR MOM’S CELEBRITY CRUSH. Roger Federer. Idris Elba. The guy from Outlander. Michelle Williams. (Your mom is bi.) We will be trusting mom’s perfect taste and embracing the vibe of these handsome middle-aged hunks. (And Michelle Williams!)

9. MAGICIAN’S ASSISTANT. This is THE new hot girl vibe. We will be wearing sparkly leotards, a big tophat, releasing pigeons from our sleeves, and getting sawed in half. And that’s just the pregame! 

10. SKIPPING A STAIR WHILE GOING UPSTAIRS. The next moment in culture is all about going somewhere and going there fast. Thus, we will be skipping stairs and turning around while we do it to look at the other people on the stairs and then we will be like “guys it’s faster if you skip a stair!”