VICTORIA COLLEGE, TORONTO
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Residents of MA 6 woke up early Thursday morning shocked to find their floor mate, Sarah, had received seven new care packages from home overnight. “We started counting on Tuesday, and since then there have been thirty-two packages,”says next-door neighbour, Leya. “Care packages are normal I guess, but I think her mom shipped her a full living room set.”
Neighbours across the hall report seeing packages of embroidered throw pillows and area rugs spilling out of Sarah’s dorm. “The fourteenth package was delivered by a full mariachi band,” says Daniel, the third-year polisci major from down the hall, “and they were authentic, too.”
Since the mariachi band, the packages have only become more alarming. Some students’ accounts state that, by the sounds of it, the contents of the packages may be living animals and a high-profile event catering service. The campus mail man is currently on strike, demanding a raise and a change in benefits if he is to continue delivering Sarah’s mother’s packages. “Listen, I’m a nice guy. I like my job, but if I could kill a woman,it would be Sarah ‘s Mom.”
By far the person most upset by this downright sadistic onslaught of packages is Sarah. “I don’t understand why this is happening. I haven’t spoken to my mom in years. I actually don’t know how she got this address. If she knew me at all, she would know how much I hate throw pillows and livestock.” Presently, Sarah is looking into changing dormitories to hopefully throw her mother off track.