Ask a Magic Eight Ball Advice: Love & Sex Edition

Reader:

Dear Magic Eight Ball,

I just started seventh grade and I have a big crush on a boy in my third period physics class. He wears Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirts and I think that that is very amazing. I am thinking of asking him on a date, but I’m scared he doesn’t even know I exist and I have a weird feeling he will scream at me if I talk to him. What do you think about me asking him out?

Nervously,

Phrightened_Physics_Phemale

Magic Eight Ball:

Without a doubt.

Reader:

Dear Magic Eight Ball,

It has been forty-seven years since my high school sweetheart, Sarah, and I were betrothed, surrounded by our many brothers and sisters (twenty-six to be exact!). We have since together produced sixteen beautiful children, all named after Republican presidential candidates. (My Sarah loves politics!) Lately, as I look forward to my first retirement vacation with my thirty-ten (little Newt Jr. is on his mighty way!!!) grandchildren, my forty-seven-year-old secret is bubbling up inside of my giant, Jesus-loving heart. I have been having an emotional (and physical) affair for forty-eight years with Sarah’s eighth brother, Rand. What should I do?

Sincerely,

MormonMoron483

M8B:

Try Again Later.

Reader:

Dear Magic Eight Ball,

I think I might be gay. What do you think my family will say?

Love,

Linda392

M8B:

Yes. 

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