Illustration | Yilin Zhu

A very serious, very educational sex column 

So i am really confused because i fall in love so easily and fast, I’m talking like a matter of days. I’m not desperate, i have everything going for me, looks, social and financial status but yet i feel like I’m still not good enough to be in a relationship. Every time i fall in love with someone i end up getting really hurt. I really need this to stop. —Former U-Hauler

Molly: Step one is to forgive yourself. Step two is to assess yourself and find out what your strengths are, what your good points are, and what you are good at. Step three is to learn to appreciate yourself for all those things that you are good at, and to start telling yourself that you are a good and worthy person, and that you deserve to be happy. Step four is to periodically do something that will improve you. It could be to start an exercise program or to do something you have always wanted to do, like learn to speak French. Whatever it is, it should help you in your life, and make you happier about yourself. Step five, every time someone gives you a compliment, you have to say “thank you” and mean it, and accept it as a truth. Every day after that, work towards being the person you always wanted to be. Good luck!

Rebecca: In my Expert Opinion, everybody dies eventually. Picture their dead body lying on the ground, decaying, rotting, flesh falling off and riddled with worms, being picked at and torn away by vultures dining on a tasty meal. See yourself looking into the sockets where their eyes used to be, gazing into the places where those eyes you enjoy so much used to be. Do you still love them?

When is it too soon to message a potential suitor? I don’t want to come across like I care too much. How can I maintain that I’m a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man, but wouldn’t mind some attention and some free carbs? —Carb Loading

Molly: As a general rule of thumb, I tend to adopt the three-day texting rule, lest they think you’re too eager to go out again. Good luck!

Rebecca: Carbohydrates are essential to good nutrition. They are a type of naturally occurring sugar that our bodies use for energy and glucose production. There are two types: simple and complex. Complex carbohydrates take longer for our body to digest and they release glucose at a reasonable rate. Simple carbohydrates release glucose at a higher rate. This causes blood sugar to spike and can make us feel hungry sooner, causing us to eat more.

Hey, ladies! My ex broke up with me by saying he wanted to marry me but also sow his wild oats. What do you think? —But are the oats gluten-free?

Molly: After consulting the Literature, I can conclude that this is the worst excuse in the book! I’d be upset too… but probably mostly hurt. Because he’s obviously not thinking how this “spreading of his wild oats” is going to affect you. You might need to let him go… or at least confront him about how he’s making you feel… or maybe you start farming your own wild oats… if you know what I mean. ;-) Good luck!

Rebecca: All I can say is that the oats are likely NOT gluten-free.