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 A look into the Prime Minister’s very serious, very important schedule

9 AM: Wake up after a full and restful 10 hours of sleep.

9:05 AM: Smile for the cameras, you never know who’s watching. (Thanks Bill C-51, glad I didn’t repeal that!)

9:30 AM: Photo op while eating a wholesome breakfast with the fam. #SomebodyCallVogue

10:00 AM: Practice breaking promises in the mirror while looking like I’m not really breaking a promise and I totally understand the struggles of everyday Canadians. My advisors really encourage me to spend at least an hour a day on this and I think I’m getting really good. The trick is to try to forget that I’m part of a dynasty.

11:00 AM: Photo-op during my daily jog around Parliament Hill. #JustPMThings

12:00 AM: Weekly haircut, gotta keep that head in perfect condition so the cameras have something to focus on other than my mouth when I break promises today.

1:00 PM: Time to get to work! Head over to the House of Commons, drop a few buzzwords on feminism and equality.

1:05 PM: Sneak out while some ministers approve a few pipelines.

1:10 PM: Hide in the washroom while another minister says “jokes” on electoral reform.

1:15 PM: Come out of hiding to tweet a picture of me welcoming refugees. #TweetingIsTheNewPolicyMaking

1:20 PM: Duck into a supply closet as some journalists run by yelling nonsense about “what happened to #RealChange” and “you killed democracy” and “we see through your haircut.”

1:30 PM: Photo op with some adorable animals to distract the media. Aww, look at those baby bunnies! #CutenessOverload

2:00 PM: Time to hit the gym for a few hours! How can I lead the Canadian people if I can’t even take care of my abs?

5:00 PM: Walk around Ottawa and pose for at least 50 selfies. #PrimeMinisterForAll

6:00 PM: Attend a fancy dinner with some nice people. After all, they were kind enough to pay money to see me, so I should at least do them the courtesy of showing up. My buddy Christy Clark says it’s worked just fine for her!

10:00 PM: One final photo op of me reading a bedtime story to the kids. Gotta get them ready for life in the spotlight. #ContinueTheDynasty

11:00 PM: After a full day of prime minister-ing, it’s finally time to tuck myself into bed. I sleep like a baby knowing that I have the full support of the American people.

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