Is anyone really that surprised?

TORONTO – Local white guy, Robert John Anderson, has decided to pursue a Master of Arts degree in the field of Classics, a discipline devoted to reading the writings and ramblings of bigoted, imperialist white guys who have been dead for two thousand years, at the University of Toronto.

In a move that surprised absolutely no one, the outgoing President of the same school’s undergraduate Classics Students’ Union announced his academic intentions for Fall 2017 in a speech that really highlighted how he didn’t surprise himself by choosing to go into a field he had been actively interested for nearly eight years in a city which he has inhabited his whole life.

“Some might call it inertia to stay in Toronto and still study Classics, but I call it dedication and a commitment to the city and university I have known and loved, which will hopefully, and literally, pay off one day,” Anderson announced when he informed his friends and family of his decision to turn down other offers from Oxford, Cambridge, and McMaster University.

This announcement is a culmination of a journey with very few major hurdles, and one that most acquaintances and colleagues agree is a pretty good choice and an obvious match, given the strengths of the University of Toronto and the decent funding opportunity presented.

Friends and acquaintances were slightly confused, given that he had, as recently as last summer, planned on doing an MSc in Urban Planning.

“I mean, yes, the city is growing and seemingly has unending transit woes that will keep planners busy and employed for decades, but, come on, how cool were those Roman aqueducts!” Anderson replied when asked why he decided to forego a degree in a practical, growing, and employable field.

At press time, Anderson was reassuring himself that his degree provided vague “critical analytical-skills” and that the world still needed humanities graduates, while crossing his fingers that he wouldn’t have to use his books of Homer and Vergil as fuel for a fire when confronted with an ever-increasing hydro bill he can’t afford due to underemployment.