It’s more than just a phase
“Stop controlling everything I do.” Sound familiar? That’s because no matter who we are, we have all been on the giving or receiving end of such teenage temper tantrums. Children, once predictable and compliant, are now teenagers who are impulsive and argue all the time. However, forms of such resistance have always existed in different risk-taking behaviours, changes in style, challenges to authority, and neglecting of responsibilities. Are these emerging traits in teenagers simply a reflection of ‘what is wrong with them,’ or do they hint towards deeper biological and psychological changes paired with a society that expects them to be adults overnight while still treating them like children?
In the past, teenage rebels wore black leather jackets and went to loud rock concerts. In the 1920s, young women surprised society by getting ‘bobs,’ as they refused to conform to society’s standards. Rebellion has slowly changed over the years. Teenagers now skip classes instead of dropping out of school, isolate themselves, and argue with their parents. Nevertheless, the gist remains the same: adapting ways that are considered unconventional.
Society expects teenagers to find their unique selves, but quickly labels them as ‘troubled’ when they drift from the familiar script. Unconventional choices are met with sly remarks masked as concern for their well-being. Parents feel pressured to enforce stricter rules, as they are held responsible for their teens’ actions. Therefore, a gap is created between a teenager who is trying to express themselves distinctively, and parents who are supposed to stop them from losing control.
What society calls a ‘bad attitude’ is explained by science. The brain does not stop developing after childhood. The amygdala, which fuels emotions, develops early, while the prefrontal cortex, responsible for reasoning and decision making, is one of the last to mature. This, paired with hormonal fluctuations, leads to teenagers experiencing strong emotions but lacking the ability to manage them effectively. In the absence of the ability to regulate these emotions, sometimes anger becomes their loudest form of communication.
Moreover, the brain undergoes pruning, where weak connections between neurons that are unnecessary are eliminated, making it difficult to manage stress or organize thoughts. The teenage brain’s reward system is more active. Teenagers who have not fully learnt control often give in to dopamine, a chemical that is released when we try new things that give us satisfaction. Therefore, they defy judgment and seek newer, more thrilling, but potentially harmful experiences.
Teenagers are letting go of who they once were to form new identities, and their journeys are overshadowed by relentless pressure. Their accomplishments are reduced to numbers—a timeline to plan their future and a perfect grade to attain. The system is unforgiving, disregarding those who do not measure up. A strong urge to be competent manifests and is threatened by control. The adults consider them too mature to make mistakes but too young to be free, making them feel trapped, as if they are in an unending horror movie. Such expectations can initiate the feeling of isolation, letting teenagers believe that they are struggling against these overwhelming demands all alone.
It does more damage when parents, who were supposed to understand their children better than everyone else, turn a blind eye towards these sudden changes in their behaviour, claiming that they are ‘just going through a phase.’ This dismissal can leave them feeling unheard and invisible, as if they do not matter. At times, parents would resort to yelling or doling harsh punishments to discipline them instead of listening to their side of the story. This may result in growing resentment, and pushes them further into silence and anger.
Although teenage rebellion is often accompanied by undesirable behaviors, it should be considered that the identity-forming process allows them to explore different values, beliefs, and lifestyles. Questioning norms helps them gain better knowledge of ethics and social awareness, while facing conflicts allows them to negotiate their way through problems. Thus, rather than dismissing teenagers’ behaviour as unruly, this could be an opportunity to listen to their feelings with patience and perspective. Parents can renegotiate boundaries with their teens so that they do not feel caged. After all, rebellion is not a block on the road to adulthood, but a building block to who they will become one day.