Why do we schedule happiness?

“It’s almost like scheduling happiness.”

The words turn over and over in my head. On our FaceTime call, my best friend Damien hunches over his sculpture and insists that he will be happy once he is done with his portfolio. After our call, I wrote his words down on a sticky note. That night, I tossed the phrase over in my head. How could you schedule happiness?

It hit me like a truck. I could suddenly name hundreds of moments where I had pushed away happiness, and instead marked it in on a calendar for “later”. This habit dates back years, to my elementary school days when I was sure I’d be happy as soon as I found a “Prince Charming.” Scheduling happiness is exactly that: we schedule when we will feel happy. Even if we don’t want to admit it, we all have a life planner in our heads, penciling in achievements, moments, events that we are convinced will bring us happiness. “I’ll be happy as soon as I get into University,” “I’ll be happy as soon as this semester, this class, is over,” “I’ll be happy as soon as…” It is never a matter of “I am happy right now,” but I will be happy “when” or “if”. In some ways, this method is effective—it brings anticipation, a constant child-like excitement for that feeling of happiness. Scheduling happiness is not always a bad thing. It is, like many things, something we have to put in perspective. Anticipating happiness is inevitable and can help us through rough patches… until it doesn’t.

Unexpected hurdles, like a pandemic, extended timelines, or life itself can come between us and the happiness we crave. Uncertainty crushes us and we get upset when our hopes aren’t fulfilled. We ruin ourselves waiting and waiting for a happiness that may never come, or worse, may not feel like we had hoped it would. By the end of this past semester, I’d worked myself to the bone with essay after essay and exam prep. Friday December 18, 2020 was the day of my last exam, and I had constantly told my family, “I will be so happy when I’m finally done.” That exam came and went, and instead of feeling relieved and happy, my spine sagged with all the stress that had been weighing it down for weeks. In reflecting on my own experiences, I realized scheduling happiness can be pushing away the people that make us happiest in order to keep commitments to school, jobs, or extra-curriculars. All my mom asks of me is to spend some time with her and watch a movie, yet I prioritize my schoolwork on so many nights, feeling as if I don’t deserve happiness and comfort until my work is done. Scheduling our happiness is never guaranteed to bring happiness.

I hate to say “our society,” but truly, our society is hungry for happiness. There is a self-care book on every corner, big influencers sporting a smile and a product ready to boost your serotonin. I have always been a bit skeptical of those self-help books because there is always a level of privilege to them, which is why I am speaking from my heart and my own experience.  The true root of happiness does not come from anything external. A shopping spree, an award, even finishing a semester, will bring only momentary pleasure. As soon as you’re outside that first moment, life comes in and throws new challenges at you. Finished school? Great! Time to look for a job. Bought some Starbucks? Cool! But you finished it already, so what’s going to make you happy now?

We rush to find happiness, yet leave every opportunity for it on the side lines. Rushing towards finishing your semester also inhibits you from absorbing the connections you’re making, all you’re learning, and how you’re growing. Sometimes we get selfish with our happiness, ignoring the small pleasures in life because they’re not as worthy of mention as what we see on Instagram or Pinterest. We are letting our basic contentment erode. Although this is how I feel, I want to acknowledge that there are situations in life where happiness is hard to feel. Not everyone finds happiness in themselves or has the privilege of looking at every day with optimism. Complete and utter happiness is not always possible, but that doesn’t mean it’s not important to try. We have to try to be happy for our own sake, one day at a time—as if getting in the habit of happiness.

So, what is the secret? How do we stop scheduling happiness for the worst and find joy in life (even a COVID-19 life)? Well, it starts with acceptance. It’s perfectly okay to be sad, angry, or unmotivated. North American culture promotes covering up your sadness and pretending that you’re happy. Worse still, this constructed happiness is superficial, and based in the million things you do, who you’re dating, etc. It’s no wonder we find it hard to keep up the image, because life is not supposed to be good at all times. How are we supposed to grow in a pretend environment? You don’t have to completely stop planning for big, joyous moments and accomplishments in your life. Just remember it’s also okay to be happy now. We deserve happiness. Remember, your worries are valid and comparing them to others’ problems doesn’t cancel out how you feel. Acknowledge the little things: how much you enjoy what you study even when it’s hard, nature, warm drinks, music, the feeling of sun on your skin after a long winter, how lucky you are to have people in your life, from loved ones to friends, to the barista who smiles at you under their mask. Do you have a lot of work to do? That’s okay, just take 20 minutes out of your time this week to ground yourself and take a deep breath. Deep down, we all know what and who makes us the happiest. Finding joy is a process, but if we can take a lesson out of a Studio Ghibli movie and just look for the happiness in every day, maybe we won’t put so much pressure on the future to fulfill us. After all, the future is never certain.

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking” – Marcus Aurelius