What you should have known going into first year

Upon entering my first year at UofT, I believed in myself. You made it. A clean slate. An overwhelming yet endless amount of opportunities. The world is in the palm of your hands. Take what is yours, and enjoy the ride.

I thought that I would accomplish many things, be successful in anything and everything I did. Upon entering my second year, I promised myself that I would put 110 percent into my academics because my first year was not a good representation of the kind of student I knew I could be. Upon entering my third year, I promised myself that I would try—just try to survive another year.

The University of Toronto is an institution that can feel incredibly cold and isolating to its students. Some of the world’s most brilliant minds have studied here, and as a result, the pressure and expectation to accomplish the unachievable is evident. The intense desire to do well is constantly abuzz. It will get to the best of you and consume you, mentally and emotionally.

In my first year, I had no one to confide in. I was uninformed about the resources that were available to me. The registrar’s office was intimidating, and my professors and TAs were like the gods of academia—untouchable and holy. I was afraid of everything at UofT. I remember wanting to get involved on campus, but not being able to because of my fear of looking stupid—so, I never did.

In my second year, everything was great. I loved my classes and professors. I was becoming more comfortable with participating in class discussions, visiting office hours, and managing my time. I even started getting involved on campus. I was living with my best friends, and although we went overboard with the glamorous lifestyle of being 19 and hanging out at the Maddy, life was good. Then, everything started falling apart.

I do not regret the choices that I made in my first two years of undergrad. But if I were given the chance to visit my past self, I would have a lot to say to her.

This is not high school. If you want to do well, you have to work hard to achieve your goals. Stop relying on your talent and skills, and put in the effort. You are no longer the smartest student in your class. It will be challenging, because now you are competing with students who used to be at the top of their class. The nerd is now the mediocre student. Get used to it.

He is just a guy. Stop doubting your physical appearance because some frat guy did not offer you his undivided attention. He was not into you, but there will be a guy: he will be funny, sarcastic, compassionate, and incredibly kind-hearted. It will get messy because he will hurt you and you will cry. A lot. Eventually, you will get over it and move on. He will not. Try to be nice about it and do not lash out. He is a good guy who handled the situation poorly. Everyone makes mistakes, and you of all people should know that.

Take a deep breath. You only get to experience undergrad once. Stop wishing for your thirties; they aren’t going to happen for a while. Focus on the present and live in the moment. It is not easy attending a prestigious university. It is difficult. It is rigorous. But, eventually, you will grow accustomed to it. It may take one semester, or two years. The point is, you will get there. So, breathe.

Nothing—in this life—is easy, it never was and it never will be. There will be frustrations, and there will be disappointments. There will be bumps in the road during your undergraduate career, and you may change your subject POSts time and time again. The friends you have today may not be there tomorrow. That is okay. You are not supposed to have your shit together. We are all trying to find our place in the world. We are all trying to make it through the day.

And sometimes, that is all we can ask of ourselves: try to make it through another day.