When you’re an 11th grader going to school with people and teachers who have known you for years, every step out of the closet involves a lot of defending yourself. It takes a lot of courage, a lot of patience, and the knowledge and self-assurance to give “Trans 101,” also known as “here’s why you calling me that is the reason I cry in the bathroom at lunch,” to everyone. After doing all this with my doctor, my therapist, my parents, my friends, and a couple of my favourite teachers, repeating the process with literally my entire high school seemed downright herculean, and I am not, perhaps for the better, the son (or daughter) of Zeus. Which is why I graduated high school with one foot still in the closet. I imagine some of you can sympathize.
A new place and new people were perfect for the reinvented Alex, and beginning during Frosh Week, being out worked better in university than it ever had in high school. No one questioned me on my name or fought me about pronouns—people didn’t know me well enough to feel like they could do so, even if they’d wanted to. Anyone who found out (by guessing or being told) that I was trans either didn’t mind or just avoided me. I made lots of gay friends, met one or two other trans people, and signed up for a million email lists for LGBT2SA clubs. I learned to tell people who and what I was, and that alone helped eliminate a lot of the arguments and doubts cisgender people had once felt entitled to voice.
To all trans Froshies: assert your right to your identity, and don’t put up with anyone who doesn’t respect it. You deserve better, and there is better here.
[pullquote align=”left” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]To all trans Froshies: assert your right to your identity, and don’t put up with anyone who doesn’t respect it. You deserve better, and there is better here. [/pullquote]
Not everything was rosy from the start. I met very few other trans people in my first year. This may have been a result of my small friend group and taste for solitude, but when I got invited to a “Trans Men of UofT” Facebook group and it peaked at five members, I realized a need for more trans-focused groups on campus. VicPride was one organization that helped with this deficit when they opened their hearts and their executive committee to me. Through them I found my way into trans spaces both within the university and outside of it. And there are great signs of progress, too: the Trans Inclusivity Project is a new group on campus looking to address inequalities and challenges experienced by trans students and Torontonians. They are still in the process of gaining funding from UTSU, and I for one pledge my support to them.
As my “goodbye for now” and my welcome, I offer to you a few specific tips on being trans at Vic—based, of course, on my own experiences.
If someone mistreats you, don’t give them your time. If they’re a TA, change tutorials. If they’re a prof, drop the class. Email your professors with names and pronouns if you’ve got a label you don’t like still stuck on you. You can change your name in the student records (talk to your registrar) without having a legal name change form, but beware the potential repercussions—I accidentally got outed to my extremely conservative grandparents when the name change on the records interfered with my RESP. Join clubs. Run clubs and think of your fellow trans people when you do. Locker rooms have washroom stalls, and you can change in them. Your identity, even if it is fluid, is fact, and anyone who doesn’t respect that isn’t worth a second glance. You don’t have to tell anyone. You owe no one an explanation.
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