In conversation with UofT students
The Information Age has found a way to digitize everything, and the amorphous notions of sex, love, and intimacy are no exceptions. The Strand interviewed three UofT students to learn more about their experiences navigating dating apps.
What made you want to download dating apps in university?
Persephone: I feel like where I came from, the dating pool was just so incredibly small. There were maybe, like, two girls that liked girls in my small, suburban town. So, as soon as I got here, it was like, “Oh, I have my own place, finally,” in a new, exciting city with a bunch of girls who were looking for what I was. And I was just, like, ready to become a part of that culture.
Rachel: Well, I’m trans, and that makes finding other people who are okay with that difficult, and dating apps open you up to a wider group of people.
Dev: It was just never an option back home. I wasn’t out to my parents and even outside of that, being gay isn’t really okay in the country I’m from. I was always paranoid that someone was going to find out and tell my parents or beat me up or something.
Have dating apps helped you foster a sense of community?
R: Yes, 100 percent. So many of the current friends I have in university aren’t people I met directly through classes, but on dating apps. It’s just much more, uh, curated, and it’s easier for me to find community.
D: Yeah, I’ve met a lot of people in similar situations and it’s just nice to talk about it.
In downloading these apps, what were/are you looking for?
P: Uh… just sex.
R: Initially, I was looking for literally just anyone who would like to spend time with me. But now that I have a group of people, I focus on looking for trans people, especially trans women or trans feminine people because I feel like spending time with them allows me to better understand my own identity and have a stronger connection to who I am.
D: Honestly? Just friends. I’m an introvert so it’s difficult for me to make new friends, and UofT being so big and overwhelming doesn’t really help with that. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am more than okay with finding the love of my life too *laughs*.
Have you experienced any negative aspects to online dating culture?
P: Yeah definitely. I feel like it can be, like, a very isolating experience or make you feel lonely if you don’t match with people immediately. It’s definitely addictive, constantly looking for people. Now that I’m in a relationship, I’m kind of grateful that I don’t have to constantly be on the apps, hunting.
R: There is an idea that lots of people have that they can be as sexual as they want, even if it’s unwarranted; I think it might have something to do with people hav[ing] less boundaries and thinking that if someone [is on a dating app, then] any advances towards them are allowed—which obviously, isn’t actually the case.
D: Oh, Grindr will make you hate yourself.
Have dating apps contributed positively to your life?
P: Oh yeah. They definitely have *giggles*.
R: Yes. 100 percent. For all of the negatives you could bring out, I definitely do think that without them, I wouldn’t know some of the nicest people I know. I wouldn’t know what I know now or have had the experiences I have [had]. They’ve given me community, which I think is incredibly important.
These interviews have been edited for length and clarity. Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.
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