STRANDED
Welcome to Stranded, Everything is Stupid
This year, Stranded is a place for acknowledging that people—and all the stupid things they do—are so, unbelievably stupid, and doing something about it.
Stranded’s Frosh Guide to the Fuckboi-demic in First-Year Lectures
Throughout your university career, you will be exposed to many characters in your tutorial and seminar classes. While most are harmless and well-intentioned, one type of student always seems to slither his little, privileged buttocks into the seat in front of you to present his two cents every G-D day. ...
UTSU Releases List of UTSU Fest Concert Performers Who Almost Agreed To Play UTSU Fest Concert 2016 As Some Kind Of Consolation
Each year, University of Toronto frosh are forced to passively discuss who may be this year’s UTSU Fest Concert performer, a question eclipsed in apathy only by “How’s the dining hall food?” and “What do you plan on doing with that degree?” While we may never know the answer to ...
Astounding! Very excessively loved Frosh girl receives thirty-two care packages signed “Love Mom!”
VICTORIA COLLEGE, TORONTO – Residents of MA 6 woke up early Thursday morning shocked to find their floor mate, Sarah, had received seven new care packages from home overnight. “We started counting on Tuesday, and since then there have been thirty-two packages,”says next-door neighbour, Leya. “Care packages are normal I guess, but I think her mom shipped ...
Cinema Studies 101: A Visual Guide
As I say farewell to my days of Cinema Studies at the University of Toronto, I wanted to offer a visual syllabus ofn the forefathers of film theoryfilm theory’s forefathers. Here’s a crash course in film studies, pointing out the commonalities shared by this group of mostly- French men named ...
The Picnik Revival: How Toronto’s Ambassador Is Bringing Simplicity Back
Millennials everywhere have a new reason to worship at Aubrey “Drake” Graham’s feet after his latest announcement. On April 5, Toronto’s deified rapper officially released two new singles from his upcoming album Views From the Six. On that fateful Tuesday, our tween selves had a sudden wave of nostalgia upon ...
UofT president shocked to discover students at own university
Last week, University of Toronto President Meric Gertler was informed that there are multiple students enrolled in the university. The long-time university president came under fire recently for his lack of action on fossil fuel divestment. In an exclusive interview with a correspondent for The Strand, he was asked to ...
Opinions Now Facts, Confirms Strand Opinions Editor
In a surprise move last Sunday, The Strand’s Opinions Editor, Olivia Dziwak, confirmed in an interview with The Strand’s Opinions Editor, Olivia Dziwak, that opinions are now facts. This announcement was made in light of extreme pressure from the University of Toronto, in a move commonly referred to as “the end ...
The Stranded Guide to Delightful and Detestable Procrastination
The harsh clack of your keyboard, dredging another essay from the well of Good Enough. The sting of the sunrise, piercing your eyes as you desperately try to format that data table and stop getting error messages. The cold hand on your shoulder grasping you from beyond this mortal coil, ...
The Tale of the Four Circles
Nighttime. A father sits on his young daughter’s bed. She is snuggled under the covers, blinking innocently. Soft light. Crickets chirp. Father: All right, Sally, time for your bedtime story. Tonight’s is “The Tale of the Four Circles.” Are you listening, Sally? It’s a very important story. Sally: Oh yes, ...