This is what space sounds like
Planet Plantasia Intergalactic Battle of the Bands Set List
- Born Under Punches (The Heat Goes On) – Talking Heads
- Plantasia – Mort Garson
- Rocketman – Elton John
- Space Girl – Frances Forever
- Designed to Kill – James Chance and The Contortions
- Girlfriend Is Better – Talking Heads
- Starman – David Bowie
- Dream Sweet in Sea Major – Miracle Musical
- Everything in Its Right Place – Radiohead
- Act IV: Spaceship – Philip Glass Ensemble
It is a very cold day on the Victoria College campus when you (the average The Strand reader) first discover the alien ship. You are running to Caffiends to see if you can get a lavender London fog and still make it to class in your ten minute gap, when suddenly, a strange, green humanoid in bedazzled blue bell bottoms jumps out at you from behind the Northrop Frye statue!
They’re seemingly screaming at you in a language that you can’t understand (play song one). Due to the look of extreme confusion on your face, they suddenly hold up a single finger with a suction cup on the end and adjust a dial on their vintage space suit vest. Their universal translator activates with a white flash and they explain that they are part of a race of aliens from the planet Plantasia (song two), and they were travelling across the galaxy in their flying saucer on their way to enter in an intergalactic battle of the bands. Unfortunately, they had to pull over for a rest stop and a snackie because their drummer is experiencing extreme warp speed sickness! They tell you they won’t be able to compete now unless they can find another drummer to stand in. Hey… you can play Plantasian drums right?
Before you know it, you’re rocketing off from the Vic quad (song three), watching the Pratt library grow smaller and smaller… (Woah! Robarts actually does look like a turkey!) You feel strangely nostalgic for the short story writing class that you’ll be missing and hope your professor will forgive you. Maybe if you become an award-winning Milky Way drummer, it won’t matter. The rest of the aliens strike up a song to rehearse (song four). Hope you’re good at sight-reading sheet music with symbols you’ve never seen before!
Finally the rocket ship pulls up to a planet that looks like David Bowie and Coachella threw up on it. Aliens covered in feathers, sequins, and grease paint surround you with instruments that look like a series of twisted tubes and strings glitter glued together. All kinds of music in different genres you’ve never heard before waft towards you from every corner of this outlandish music festival (song five).
Finally, the competition starts—and guess what? You’re up next! Better get those drumsticks under control. Why are alien drumsticks sentient and squirmy anyways? Your bandmates play some music on a vintage green iPod nano to hype you guys up (song six). They tell you they found it attached to a small robot on Mars.
You get up on stage with your slightly ill-fitting pink shag jacket and orange, shiny moon boots (you’re told they’re authentic) and you play your heart out better than you’ve ever played before (song seven). Even though you, in fact, have never played before.
After your set, the rest of the bands play a flurry of music that sounds so good you swear for a second you’re floating (song eight)—could be the lack of gravity on this planet though…
The time has come and the judges eye all the bands up and down. A purple round blob that looks like your great aunt’s old carpet stands up and proudly announces something you don’t understand! But it doesn’t matter, everyone around you bursts into buzzes, toots, humming noises, and shouts. Your bandmate turns on his universal translator to tell you that you’ve won first place! (Song nine)
You’re filled with immense joy but also some sadness because you know the next stop will be home. You pack up your fancy, spangled outfit and signal to your new friends that you’re ready for take off (song ten).
You’ll always remember your new friends and your exciting adventure. The ten foot bedazzled nano tech statue of you that your new mega fans constructed won’t let you forget.
