Spend it, use it, screw it.

We’re in the middle of a pandemic, and I still can’t convince myself to use a bath bomb. I got some for Christmas last year, but every time I think about dropping one in a nice bath, I think “No—I should save it for a really bad day.”

It’s the same with my clothes: I refuse to wear sweatpants on bad days because I don’t think they’re bad enough, yet I don’t let myself wear nice clothes because I don’t think I’ve done enough. For my whole life, I’ve been at war with myself. I can never convince the other half of my psyche that it’s okay to celebrate, that it’s okay to give myself comfort.

But after being kicked out of my dorm room with less than 48 hours’ notice, being punted across the country and back (with all the finesse of a closeted gay high schooler forced to be his football team’s kicker by his homophobic father), and watching people around me get COVID, I’m over it.

The time for pleasure and comfort is now.

Like many other members of Gen Z, I’ve become pleasantly nihilistic, and this article is a message for anyone like me, who is always holding out for something. Something worse, something better—just something.

Stop waiting. If there’s anything I think we’ve all learned over the past few months, it’s that there is always something worse coming, and, as cliche as it is, tomorrow is never promised.

Stop fighting with yourself. This is a message as much for me as it is for anyone else. I’ve spent the last 19 years being socialized to live in a world where I exist to produce (#WeLoveCapitalism). But that’s not true—we deserve to exist and to enjoy and to be happy regardless of our production. Trust me, it hasn’t been easy to stop the voice in my head that I’m sure was implanted by the capitalist overlords, but it’s made my life fuller and more pleasant.

When we insist on denying ourselves, who does that serve?

Especially right now, couldn’t we use all the comfort we can get? It’s okay to distract yourself from the pandemic and the murder hornets. It’s okay to take a moment away from the 24-hour news cycle to center yourself and do something you enjoy. In many ways, prioritizing yourself is the first step towards helping others and enacting change.

So, in celebration of the hellscape 2020 has become and the many more curveballs I’m sure it will throw our way, let yourself wear sweatpants for weeks on end. Spend a little bit too much money on that fluffy blanket you always feel in the store but never buy because it’s useless. Use every bath bomb and expensive face mask you hoard under your bathroom sink and stop trying to earn it.