Members of Parliament convened in Ottawa late Friday night for an emergency meeting to discuss the rising number of reported incidents of a mysterious phenomenon that has swept the country in recent days. Across the country individuals are claiming that loved ones have begun to act erratically, leaving jobs, homes, and families behind in the middle of the night, apparently often riding away on household items such as broomsticks or vacuum cleaners while shouting “yee-haw!” In each instance, reports claim that victims experienced a number of sudden onset behavioural changes beforehand, including the adoption of a Southern accent, threatening violence “at high noon” and a compulsive urge to shop at Stetson.
Experts are still debating the cause of what has been termed “cowboy mania” by internet users on social media platforms such as Twitter and Facebook, but one common detail between many stories of afflicted victims has been that the behaviour began with the purchase of a cowboy hat. At least, that’s what one person blamed for the disappearance of her son.
In an interview with The Strand, Stacy Johnson, a local grocer from Picton, Ontario, said that her son Thomas “just couldn’t resist buying that fucking hat. I told him he looked stupid, but he wouldn’t listen to me. Thought it made him look ‘manly’ or something. Next thing I know, he’s wearing that crime against fashion around all the damn time. He’s an accountant for God’s sake! Have you ever seen a scrawny twenty-year-old wearing a cowboy hat with a dress shirt and khakis? Let me tell you, there is nothing cool about that.”
Stories similar to Johnson’s have appeared in an increasing number of areas, varying in population, location, and size. A number of experts from multiple fields have attempted to offer an explanation for what could be causing the bizarre behaviour, though without substantive evidence or research the Public Health Agency of Canada is reminding citizens that these are only conjectures.
Emily Kanumba, Assistant Director at the Edmonton Psychiatric Research Institute, suggests that individuals may be succumbing to what she terms “Character-Obsessive Semantic-Psychic Language Accommodating Yearning,” or COSPLAY Syndrome.
“While we’ve never seen an example of COSPLAY Syndrome this severe on such a wide scale before, there’s definitely been research into this type of phenomenon in the past,” Kanumba told The Strand. “This can be understood as an exaggerated extension of natural inclinations from media consumption, like trying to move a glass of wine towards you with the Force after watching Star Wars and accidentally staining the carpet.” When asked about the specificity of her example, Kanumba declined further explanation.
Despite various possibilities brought forth by Kanumba and other scientific professionals, no one has been able to explain how cowboy mania has spread so rapidly or why these cases are occurring now. Until more conclusive research is done, the Government of Canada is currently advising all citizens to remain indoors when possible, throw out all cowboy-inspired outfits, and avoid any films starring Clint Eastwood at all costs.
