Calling all broke-ass bitches! This year’s edition of the Strand’s annual Jokes issue will be the Broke issue, a celebration of the glories and follies of collegiate penury. There is a great deal of humour to be drawn from bankruptcy, be it financial, moral, or artistic. Tell us of improvised struggle meals, unethical allocations of campus funding, cheap and regrettable nights out, or anything else that reflects the inimitable comic potential found in a state of emptiness. Feel free also to write about how the Strand deserves more levy money — it’s thematic!
Feel free to review the pitches from each of our sections, and claim any you’re interested in by emailing the attached section editor. Go to our How to Pitch guide to learn how to submit pitches!
Our pitch list is meant to be guiding and generative, not prohibitive; if you have an idea not listed, feel free to reach out to the section editor or email [email protected] with any questions.
Pitches are open to all students regardless of any level of experience, confidence, and access (or lack thereof). The Masthead and Section Editors will readily and enthusiastically help contributors in reaching out for interviews, guiding their article structure, finding resources, and solving any other relevant issues!
When emailing a section editor to claim a pitch, make sure to include:
- HED (the main title)
- DEK (the subtitle)
- Description (let them know what you want to write / the angle you will take with the article)
- Visual Request (what photo or illustration you would like attached to the article)
- Word Count (how many words you plan to write)
Pitches are due Friday, March 27th.
News & Politics
- Strand writers strike after being denied payment
- Doug Ford buys ___ with redirected OSAP funds
- New VUSAC council vows to ___
- Weston family acquires Vic
Send your pitches to Sijil and Zindziswa at [email protected]
Opinions
- The costs of networking:
- (or alternatively, “If Networking Requires Buying a $7 Coffee, I Will Not Be Networking”). This piece argues that so-called “accessible” networking culture quietly assumes students can afford to participate, whether that’s buying coffee, attending certain events, or constantly saying yes to unpaid opportunities. Through a petty refusal to spend money on professional development, the article can satirize how exclusionary these norms are.
- Can we formally opt out of the economy:
- Framed as a formal resignation, this piece follows the increasingly logical decision to stop participating in an economy where everything from tuition, transit, to groceries, feels unaffordable (especially after the OSAP cuts). The argument in this piece can highlight how absurd the cost of living has become for students in Toronto. When basic existence is priced like a luxury, opting out may start to feel less like a joke and more like a reasonable response.
Claim a pitch or send your own to Romina at [email protected]
Features
- Cultural Aestheticization
- Reflect on how activities have become culturally stylish: from thrifting to DIY to furniture shopping on Facebook Marketplace or Kijiji, many budget friendly activities have become popular trends that signify not only money saved, but one’s participation in the cultural aesthetic of the day. Consider why or how these activities have come to be ‘aestheticized?
- Luxuries in ‘Broke-dom’:
- The things you used to enjoy so frequently in more bountiful times can now seem to you to be great luxuries. Whether it be avocados, hardcover books or *insert here your favourite beverage from your local coffee shop,* write a comedic reflection on something (or multiple things) that once seemed so very accessible to you but has now become a luxury, thinking about the following question: how does being on a tight budget reshape one’s notion of what counts as an ‘indulgence’?
- Odd jobs
- Reflect on your employment experiences—the sinister workplaces and unusual cast of characters encountered in the pursuit of your far-too-low paycheque. Whether it be nightmare service jobs or retail monotony, share your experiences in Toronto or elsewhere trying to make it through the shifts from hell. What is it like to be a young adult trying to navigate the labour market in late stage capitalism?
Claim a pitch or send your own to Lia at [email protected]
Arts & Culture
- How To Break Into A Show:
- With the rising price of concert ticket these days, who can afford to pay to go to a concert? Live music should be accessible to everyone, so how will you take this into your own hands? Whose show are you sneaking into? How?
- Broken Art:
- The destruction of famous artwork has been used as a means of resistance, rebellion, or plain contempt. What works of art do you hate enough to destroy forever? What pieces do you think need to have soup thrown on them?
Claim a pitch or send your own to Bosko at [email protected]
Science
- Who broke the centrifuge?
- Ways to receive a permanent vacation from the lab… And life…
- Is it ageist to want to accelerate the retirement timeline of your lab’s 120-year-old centrifuge?
- Most expensive thing I broke/stealed in a lab
- It’s ok, you can be anonymous. Are you the one who fucked up the microscope objective that cost 10k?
- Alternatively, are you the one who stole all our sharpies and use EP tubes for vodka shots
- Uncanny ways to fix broken electronics
- What are unconventional ways to fix electronics that you swear by?
- Example methods include: charging its Yin energy or the moon light, verbal assault and harassment, music therapy, etc.
Claim a pitch or send your own to Yaocheng at [email protected]
Poetry
- Stay Gold:
- The Japanese art of Kintsugi is a traditional way of repairing broken pottery by applying a lacquer mixed with gold. The golden lines in the ceramic show the object’s history and highlight the beauty in imperfection. In what ways can something become more beautiful, or more perfect, when broken?
- Nickel and Diming:
- Every person has things that are assumed indulgences in their life, despite how “broke” they claim to be. A daily latte from the local cafe, an unnecessary new pair of shoes, a nightcap or a pack of cigarettes. We all seem to have a vice that, despite our empty wallets, is a necessity. Explore the love of small pleasures, despite the financial burden.
- Daily Expenses:
- Living in Toronto can feel so expensive that an act as simple as breathing could cost you $9.99. Explore the parts of the city that are wholly accessible. What do places like parks, libraries, street corners, and community centres offer us that goes unseen?
Claim a pitch or send your own to Zoe at [email protected]
Stranded (Humour)
- The Struggle Meal Tasting Menu:
- We have all at some point in our university experience eaten something deeply off-putting, embarrassing, or concerning due to a lack of money, time, and motivation (mine is microwaved chips and shredded cheese passed off as nachos). Attempt to re-establish the dignity of this kind of meal through presenting a set menu of such desperation food in the elevated vernacular of fine dining. Try and describe your university dining in a way that wouldn’t make the guy from the Michelin Guide jump out of your dorm room window.
- Weirdest Places Your Tuition is Going:
- If you’ve ever taken a look at the itemized list of where your tuition money goes, you’ll know that it’s headed to some weird places. Give us a few of the oddest things you suspect are claiming your hard-earned dollars, even if you can’t prove it (there has to be some sort of investment in keeping Northrop Frye’s shiny pate free of bird poop).
- Cineplex Varsity Half-Price Night: An Anthropological Study:
- With the truly ludicrous price of movie tickets these days, the Varsity’s half-price night is a godsend to broke students looking for some entertainment. Unfortunately, there are lots of those, so half-price night invariably turns the place into a maelstrom of loud, popcorn-spilling, phone-checking collegiate buffoons. Give us an overview of the strange and annoying sights you may see when attempting to pay less than twenty bucks for a movie.
- How to Get On the TTC For Free:
- For the downtrodden underclass of commuter students, that $3.30 TTC fare can add up to ludicrous prices pretty darn quickly. Unfortunately, turnstile jumping is both incriminating and cliche. From tapping one presto card as three people in a trench coat to jumping directly onto the train like Subway Surfers, provide us with some ways to cut down on our travel expenses in style..
- Why the Editor of Stranded Should Be Paid One Billion Canadian Dollars:
- It is a universally held opinion that Stranded section editor is both the hardest and the most valuable job in the world, and it should thus receive appropriate compensation. Alas, that compensation has so far been provided only in stale cookies and thumbs-up Slack emoji. Present a compelling argument for why the Stranded editor (whoever he may be) should receive a small honorarium of one billion dollars for his assuredly excellent work. Don’t everybody pitch to this one all at once, now.
Claim a pitch or send your own to Max at [email protected]