You’ve made it—your first day at Vic! Whether you’re ready or not, you’re going to meet countless new people. Between orientation events and classes, there won’t be many moments when you’re not encountering a fresh face.
These first few weeks of school can be daunting, exciting, taxing, or all of the above. Choosing UofT over other schools might mean leaving behind the friends and family who form your most secure support system. They are the people you feel closest to, but this same closeness often makes change difficult. They know who you are and who you’ve been and see you, in this moment, as definitive. Even if it’s not what they intend, their expectations of you can hinder your growth. You’re still figuring out who you are, because that’s a process that never ends. The process, however, also sometimes requires taking a step out of the box that restricts you.
The new friends you’ll make here won’t hold the same narrow ideas of what it is that defines you. They won’t have expectations based on your past self, because they don’t know your past self—you’re a blank slate. Take this new beginning as an opportunity to let go of the limitations on who you can be.
In high school, my closest friends and peers had a clear picture of who they believed me to be. There was an implicit obligation to act within these confines, and I felt that I couldn’t stray beyond them. As the friend who was considered “alternative,” my identity was reduced to the most surface-level qualities. I often felt like I was playing a part, rather than doing what I truly wanted. People knew what to expect from me: how I dressed, what music I listened to, and even what career I wanted to pursue.
Their expectations, however, made me feel like I was being put on a pedestal—one that I couldn’t step down from. I didn’t feel as self-assured as my peers perceived me to be, but I couldn’t shatter that illusion, even to myself. I initially worked hard to present a distinct image of myself, but then it became cemented. When I wanted to try something new, I felt that it wasn’t possible to surpass the perfectly defined bounds of who I was to my peers and still remain myself.
This term, I’m entering my final year of university. I haven’t changed in any major ways in the past three years since high school, but I’ve naturally grown. I’ve learned how to be comfortable with the decisions I make, to understand why I’m making them. These choices are rarely transformative life decisions, but are small choices that contribute to the person I’m becoming each day. Now, I consider whether I’m doing something because I genuinely want to, or because I think I should in order to indulge the perception of others. There are times when friends of mine from high school have told me: “that isn’t you.” What they mean is that “that” might not be something I would have done when I was 18 years old. But you shouldn’t be confined by the person you were in high school or any time of your life.
Even during this time of growth, you’ll need some of the same people who may have placed limitations on you in the past. They’re the people you’ll turn to when things get tough. Change is difficult around them because they like the person they feel you are, not because they want to hold you back. Make it your goal to form a system of friends who will support you and be open to sharing new experiences with you.
You have at least four years ahead of you, in a city with endless opportunities for new experiences. The changes you make don’t have to be drastic. See more live music, take a pottery class, wear that shirt you never would have worn before. Nothing is inherently “you.” Identities are constructed—you get to define who you are.
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