More outgoing, more going out

After classes moved online and Toronto’s shutdown was well underway, I sped home to my small town in the US and resigned myself to the reality of quarantine. I stayed inside with nowhere to go and no responsibilities except for finals and the impending anxiety of an uneventful and lonely summer. Within a few weeks of my return, I found myself under the covers late at night watching Instagram stories of friends, high school and university classmates, or random acquaintances hanging out in groups, no masks—as though everything was normal.

Pictures at the beach, White Claws in hand, laughter around a fire pit, and chairs placed a few feet apart in some sad attempt to follow health and safety guidelines. These fleeting videos and images made me feel as if I was hallucinating a global pandemic killing thousands by the day, with cases on the rise in every country. I wondered what made it so impossible for these people to stay inside with their families, connect with their friends on Zoom, or think of someone besides themselves. This impossibility couldn’t be motivated by pure selfishness or stubbornness. Of course, there was plenty of that too, but I noticed that it was the “popular” high school kids who were breaking quarantine. It was the outgoing people—the extroverts.

It’s not as if introverts were jumping up and down with glee at the thought of being under lockdown, but I did read several relatable Tweets about how introverted people finally had an excuse to stay in and watch a TV show rather than go clubbing with their outgoing friends. As a more introverted person myself, I found a sense of relief in no longer having to face a noisy, sweaty, and handsy crowd for the foreseeable future. For me, the thought of having to stay inside for a while wasn’t daunting. This made seeing extroverted people on social media ignore the pandemic in order to party was incomprehensible. Didn’t these people need alone time? Did they not like alone time? As someone who gets anxious, stressed, and even cranky if I have too much social interaction without a break, the thought of being unable to last even a week inside struck me as bizarre. Of course, it’s important to point out that being an extrovert doesn’t mean it is impossible to follow social distancing guidelines—and not all introverts were following the rules, either. However, from what I saw, those who were breaking quarantine and putting others at risk were extroverts, not all extroverts were breaking quarantine.

When asked if people he knew were breaking quarantine to hang out with friends, my cousin, self-described extrovert Will Graham, revealed: “Yes, I would often see groups of people in parks and on basketball courts, not social distancing, even sharing water bottles and joints. It made me quite upset, because I believe this is one of the few times that individual responsibility has an immediate and significant impact on the collective.” Despite his impatience to get out himself, Will echoed what I was seeing on social media and pinpointed the selfishness that is at play with this type of behaviour. I’ve seen several memes comparing the social distancing protocol to a group project in school, where one or a few people do all the work while the remaining members sit back and don’t contribute. In this instance, the introverts are the ones abiding by social distancing rules, while the extroverts panic and break out to have parties, itching to get back out amongst the bustle of pre-COVID life.

We live in an extroverted, fast-paced world where those who are louder and more outgoing are often rewarded. Group work and collaboration are typically valued over the individual process. But the one time we need to come together and collaborate on the biggest group project of all—flattening the curve of a deadly virus—our society’s individualism and inconsideration, makes this goal difficult and drawn out. The sooner restrictions lift and people refuse to follow guidelines, the longer we’ll be forced to go back into lockdown, the longer it will take for life to get back to normal. Ideally, this will be short-term isolation for long term recovery. But from what I see, some extroverts think in the short term only—short term fun, short term excitement, quick conversation, group reflection only—and alone time is dangerous, daunting, and uncomfortable. I think this is one of the roots of the problem. If we reward short-term gratification in our society, of course those personalities will feel even more emboldened to act in that way, even at the expense of others and public safety.

Since we live in a world tends to favour outgoing, pushy personalities, introverts are often seen as meek, submissive, and passive. I have been deemed “quiet,” “self-sufficient,” “shy,” and even “standoffish” just because I don’t come storming into a room talking everyone’s ear off. I think most people who are inclined towards introversion can relate. The way introverts and extroverts function is a matter of how they respond to stimulation, according to Susan Cain, who has written on introversion. Extroverts feel energized by being around others and socializing, while introverts such as myself gain energy by being alone and recharging after social interaction. I consider myself to be a social person, especially with friends, but if I don’t get time alone every day to check in with myself and have some privacy, I become very anxious and irritable. As someone who experiences anxiety on a normal basis, the coronavirus outbreak and subsequent lockdown heightened my anxious feelings and loneliness. However, once I settled into the lockdown, I found that while I missed my friends and the opportunity to go out. I never felt overly caged in or as if a huge part of my life and comfort level was being stripped away.

A common experience during the quarantine has been self-reflection and reflection on the state of the world. As an introverted person, I’m comfortable with reflecting. In fact, reflecting is a huge part of my recharging process—I need to think through and process my social interactions before engaging in new ones. Additionally, reflecting on the global crisis of the pandemic and the international civil rights movement taking place is something that I am more comfortable with doing on my own. While talking to others about the movement is necessary and important, it is my natural process to sit by myself and really process and reflect on my own opinions, experiences, and in this case, privilege, before entering into a discussion.

It seems that for many extroverts, reflection isn’t an individual activity. After talking to Will about his lockdown experience, he remarked that “The state of the world and what we see/read on the news directly impacts our mental health, and being denied the ability to discuss and process these events with friends forced me to turn inward… but there is a limit to how much time I can spend internalizing American news before I start pulling my hair out.” For extroverts such as Will, reflecting is a collaborative process, which is something I’ve never considered before. When one is forced to face the deepest parts of themselves, and their deepest beliefs, without the reassurance and guidance of another person, it can be isolating and upsetting. Having several months to sit at home and reflect on mistakes, awkward moments, my own biases, and to question not only situations in my personal life but in society and the world at large, was quite overwhelming. Reflection quickly became strenuous, even for someone such as myself who thrives on that deep introspection. I can’t imagine what isolated contemplation would be like for someone who thrives off of hearing others’ opinions and talking through everything with a group—their experience would be very alienating and even confusing.

Learning to be alone and to be comfortable sitting with only the company of oneself is an important skill. This may be a skill that introverts are born with, but it’s equally, if not more, important for extroverts to cultivate themselves without outside influence. Extroverts need to learn to be patient and think about how their actions may be intruding upon another’s peace or safety before springing into action. While extroverts have a lot of energy—and this is a good thing under normal circumstances—what lockdown has taught us all is that it’s important to slow down. Slow down and consider what is and isn’t working for you in this life. Who isn’t worthy of you? Who is? In what ways do you need to take more time for yourself? What have you been doing that’s unnecessary or even harmful? These are questions that, like it or not, have been bubbling up for me and many others over the past six months. This pandemic has shown me which of my friends are more inclined to be reckless or socially conscious, and, of course, who is considerate of others and who is not. It may be ugly to face the selfish actions of others, but it’s even harder—and more important—to face oneself in a time such as this. This pandemic is teaching the world to be a little more self-sufficient, without being overly individualistic or self-centered. Extroverts need to learn to rely on themselves and be alone, and those who break quarantine need to control their impulses for short-term gratification at the cost of others’ lives.