Overachieving is a myth that needs to be busted
My first year wasn’t great. Most of my friends shared this sentiment, although no one said it was terrible either. We agreed, however, that knowing that the transition into university is difficult doesn’t make it any easier. I don’t mean to make it sound as though first year is agony—I don’t look back on any of my experiences with regret—but there are certain challenges that just can’t be easily overcome; maintaining my mental health being my biggest obstacle.
For most of first year, I was losing myself in everything new, even in a city I had known my whole life. The high school from which I graduated had a competitive academic environment, therefore I didn’t find UofT’s to be extremely different, with one exception. While the smaller quarters of high school tend to have individual accomplishments reverberate through a few sets of halls, UofT’s gigantic student body seems to generate an overwhelming atmosphere of determination and overachievement. For someone new to UofT, and university as a whole, this is a scary thing to face.
At times it felt easy to be anonymous, since such a large space provides room for individuality and expressing the aspects of your identity that you may have felt compelled to hide before. However, being anonymous can also mean feeling like your identity is insignificant, and that what you do doesn’t make much of an impact. Your work directly contributes to your success, but the motivation to do it can be difficult to access when you are now the sole person accountable for your actions.
Despite trying to shed the notion that my worth is determined by my grades, it was hard to forget when everyone else seemed to excel. I was beginning to inflate the importance of my academics and forget that I’m a person before I’m a student. For the first time in my life, I was realizing my autonomy as an adult, and I didn’t know how to appreciate what came with it. Ultimately, what took the biggest toll on my mental health was not taking enough time to be myself. Academics came before anything else, and any difficulties I was experiencing in school pervaded other aspects of my life. Even unrelated leisurely activities that could no longer make me happy.
I wish I had spent more time with friends outside of an academic environment, indulged in hobbies more often, focused on anything but school for a moment, and reveled in the fact that being a student is only one part of my life. Furthermore, I wish I had kept in mind that my mental health isn’t something to be minimized, but rather something to be considered alongside everything I do. Being mentally healthy isn’t a straightforward path—it’s a means of readjusting to the circumstances of your life as they change, and entering university requires a major overhaul.
If you’re feeling like it’s taking too long to get accustomed to the environment, don’t be discouraged. Like anything, it takes time, and in the interim, stay grounded in what is familiar. Engage in what interests you—this is where extracurriculars are especially important, since they give you a place to meet new people in a setting that’s comfortable for you. Keep in touch with friends from back home and catch up with them; it gives you an opportunity to be yourself with ease and talk about the anxieties of university with someone who will definitely sympathize.
University doesn’t give you much time to take it easy, so it’s in your best interest to learn how to fit into it. First year involves being chucked into a hectic environment and learning how to cope with being busier than ever while also navigating a social life and creating a strong self-identity that is imperative to your growth as an adult. It would be hard for anyone. Don’t expect yourself to become familiar with the school overnight. You’ll be just fine.