The secret ingredient required to make a love potion isn’t eye of newt or pixie dust
Picture this: you’re on a date. Sitting across from you is the person you love, the person you’ve chosen to trust, to respect, to cherish. They shoot you a fleeting, shy smile—or maybe reach over to brush their fingertips against your own.
All of a sudden, your heart begins to erratically flutter, head soaring through clouds of joyous ecstasy. Or perhaps your mind is blank—silenced by the soothing sigh of serenity, by a sense of unexpected passionate bliss.
Regardless of the exact scenario, one thing is clear: some sort of physiological reaction has been triggered in your mind, activating a sensory explosion from the temples of your skull to the bottom of your toes.
90s one-hit-wonder Haddaway once asked, “what is love?” in the chorus of his aptly titled chart-topping single. Though it can be metaphorically described in a myriad of ways, love is not actually a fire or a tempest; it is neither a battlefield nor is it an open door. What it is instead is a neurological reaction, a chemical phenomenon, a real, bona fide love potion scientifically mixed by your very own brain.
According to Rutgers University professor Dr. Helen Fisher, to understand the chemical messengers involved in producing the feeling of “love”, one must divide these into three distinct categories: those responsible for attachment, those responsible for attraction, and those responsible for lust.
ATTACHMENT is the stepping stone to any relationship, romantic or otherwise. It is the building block at the base of the pyramid of love. To form any sort of attachment, the brain releases oxytocin, also known as the adorably named “cuddle hormone.” This hormone, released in massive waves in the presence of anything from the lightest brush of fingertips upon skin to sexual intimacy, creates an interpersonal bond between two beings. Almost superhuman in essence, it catalyzes social interactions to create a lasting connection between those engaging with one another. Whether familial, parental, or romantic love, oxytocin is the precursor to it all; no relationship and no intimacy would ever occur if it weren’t for its strong contributions to the concept of attachment.
Next up comes ATTRACTION, the initial beacon that’s set off when you set upon a romantic pursuit. It all begins with dopamine, the hormone responsible for pleasure and anticipation. As part of the brain’s reward pathway, it increases emotions of euphoria and energy, resulting in giddy satisfaction. Whether you’re simply spending time in the presence of a loved one or engaging in a more physical sort of intimacy, dopamine is at the forefront of your emotions, erasing any stresses or worries and leaving you with a smile.
Hand-in-hand with dopamine is norepinephrine: the neurological stimulant that activates the sympathetic, or “fight-or-flight,” nervous system during times of stress or confrontation. That heart-pounding, blood-rushing-to-your-head feeling that accompanies moments with your significant other is a great example of this phenomenon. There’s a big difference between having a romantic moment and running for your life while being chased by a bear (unless, of course, that romantic moment is asking someone out… then, I guess it might be equally scary). Regardless, norepinephrine is the same chemical fueling your soul and sending the blood rushing through your veins, providing that addictive adrenaline rush that keeps you feeling oh-so-good.
Finally, there’s LUST. Ah, yes. That deep, intense passion, kick-started into existence by the innate evolutionary need that drives us to reproduce. After all, from an evolutionary point of view, this is our ultimate goal on Earth: to pass our genes onto the next generation, a feat only possible via reproduction. It is only natural, then, that we humans possess chemical reagents responsible for fueling this spark of desire. The two most prominent hormones driving lust are actually ones you’ve probably heard of before: estrogen and testosterone. MYTH BUSTED: contrary to popular belief, males and females actually do produce both! Testosterone is the primary chemical responsible for increasing lustful desires in both sexes, though estrogen acts in the same way, just to a lesser extent. They’re a constant presence, nudging you along to act upon the attraction you’re experiencing, to form those attachment bonds… with the hope that, in the end, these efforts will lead to reproduction—what we are all, biologically, on this world to do. (They’ll also lead to passion. Lots and lots of passion, and love, and romance… and more passion).
Clearly, love is so much more chemically interwoven and neurologically complex than it may initially appear to be. Yet the recipe for love is no longer trapped within the pages of a fantasy novel, nor is it hidden under lock and key by witches and alchemists of lore. All one needs is a dash of dopamine and a pinch of oxytocin to make their Valentine’s wishes come true!
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