I’m white until I’m Jewish

Navigating UofT as a Jew

In an article by Layla Rudy critiquing The Strand’s stance on Palestine, the first reporter she labels as anti-Israeli is me, Jessica Beswick, a Jew. As a Jew, I have had my fair share of slurs and violent name-calling; before coming to UofT, I have been called a “kike,” a “dirty Jew” and a “disgusting Zionist who should kill herself.” Never in my life did I expect to be called an anti-Semitic Jew. 

My Jewish community gave me the education needed to have a strong cultural identity, but it had left me incredibly sheltered. The times that I ventured out of the Jewish bubble were the times I would experience anti-Semitism. Shockingly, I would be called slurs by people I would consider my ‘friend’ until I let it slip that I was Jewish. I never knew how to respond to anti-Semitism, so I would usually change the topic or laugh it off. Nobody, in my large Jewish community, warned me that I was Jewish. 

The experiences I had with anti-Semitism made me wary of being open about my Jewishness at UofT. My friends would ask me about my background and I would give them a vague answer like “My mom is Eastern European.” This worked until I showed my friend a picture of my cousin. She commented on how dark she was and I let it slip that my cousin was Jewish. I inadvertently ripped the bandaid and I began to be more open about my Jewishness. Though my friends are accepting, they are ignorant of a lot of things pertaining to Jewish history regarding the Israel-Palestine conflict and the gravity of anti-Semitism. A friend of mine had invited me to a Free Palestine protest and I declined to go despite supporting the general cause of the rally. The problem I have with the protests is not the objective, to advocate for Palestinian sovereignty and the termination of Israeli operations, but the language used. I explained to her that I interpret the promotion of “intifada” as anti-Semitic as it promotes the act of violence against Jews. The majority of Israelis killed in suicide bombings and planned attacks in the Second Intifada were civilians. I perceive the promotion of a third Intifada as a way of inciting violence against Israeli civilians. Another popular phrase used is “from the river to the sea,” which I find to be anti-Semitic for implying that Israel should be fully dismantled, which is a denial of the Indigenous rights of Jews. I see it as a direct form of anti-Semitism when people chanted “go back to Poland” at UofT protests, and “be grateful that I’m not just going out and murdering Zionists” at the protests at Columbia University. The very presence of these phrases in some Free Palestine protests makes me uncomfortable participating despite believing in the cause. My friend was able to acknowledge my point of view even though we disagreed on other issues, but that is the objective of healthy discourse. 

I have told a few friends about being called a “kike” and a “dirty Jew,” and they were shocked. Anti-Semitism is shocking to Canadians because our idea of who is marginalised in society exists in terms of visibility: who is visibly an “other.” As an Ashkenazi Jew, I am not expected to experience any discrimination because I am white. Though I have white privilege, this does not cancel out my Jewishness. I am Jewish when I see swastikas on doors, walls, and flyers outside of campus. I am Jewish when I hear people chanting “Go back to Poland” where the mass graves of my family are. Once I am Jewish, I am a “kike.” 

My Jewishness is a political stance in and of itself, which has made me defend my Jewishness whilst paradoxically pushing back on the political expectations others put on me. In the article Rudy published, she found it anti-Israeli to label the conflict as a “genocide.” There is a lot of debate when it comes to how news outlets and political groups should characterise the conflict, and whether the use of the term “genocide” is anti-Semetic. I err on the side of leniency and believe this specific issue is up to opinion. The charge of being anti-Israel as a Jewish person is jarring for this reason. I support the state of Israel and for this reason, I believe in criticising Israel. I am not any less of a Zionist, or furthermore a Jew, for not being a die-hard supporter of the Israeli government. 

Navigating friendships with non-Jews, Toronto, and university journalism as a Jew has been an interesting experience. In general, being Jewish is a weird experience. Jews are an enigma; we are a religion, we are an ethnic group, and our identity is a political stance. We are an invisible minority and yet anti-Semitism is always on the rise. Getting this article out is extremely important to me as a way to share my story as a Jew. I just hope my Bubby likes it.