Going the Distance

Maintaining a long-distance relationship in university

Endless long-distance calls, unusually consistent use of the Facetime app, that rush of excitement when you hear your phone ding. If any of those things sound familiar to you, chances are you’re in or have been in a long-distance relationship. Long-distance is generally not something desired in a relationship. After all, when you’re in love, all you want to do is spend every second at your disposal together. But what happens when distance is no longer a choice, and the unpredictable forces of life put you on different paths, or more specifically, two different programs in two different cities? 

There are many people who would claim that maintaining a long-distance relationship as a university student is impossible, considering all of the work assigned in school and time needed to study. Supposedly, both take up so much time and effort that you can’t healthily pursue them simultaneously. So, does this mean that it really is a bad idea to enter into a relationship that you know will involve distance during your time as a student? Is it worth the struggles that come alongside it? 

Every relationship in the world has ups and downs, just as it would be for a couple living in close proximity to each other; couples living far away also have pros and cons in their partnership. Growing up, I have been exposed to long-distance relationships from an early age, so I have been able to observe the byproduct of couples being separated for long periods of time from an up-close and personal perspective. I have since come to realize, that long-distance is certainly not for everyone. 

For some, being in a relationship means always being close to that person, and the thought of being separated from their lover is all but unbearable. Distance can be dangerous for some, causing people to become paranoid which results in loss of trust and communication, ultimately resulting in a seriously unhealthy situation. Throw three midterms, two essays, and a presentation into the mix, and you could say that you’ve become part of the ultimate love-triangle. So how do you choose between spending time with the potential love of your life and acing that term paper? 

This kind of situation can cause all kinds of mental health complications and unneeded stress, which is why it is so important to sit down and discuss your circumstances with your partner; to make sure that you are both willing to work through the challenges that come up; and, above all, to make sure that it is a healthy decision for your relationship and your school situation. 

As a second-year student who is currently in a long-distance relationship, I am here to tell you that although it seems like the worst thing in the world, if you do it right, it can be an overall positive experience. Not to say that it isn’t tedious being away from my partner for so long. Believe me, there is no part of me that enjoys being apart from him. Our circumstances made it impossible not to include distance in our relationship, as we are attending universities hours away from each other. We have hit some obstacles along the way, but we’ve always done everything we could to make it work and have now been living apart for two years. 

Despite the more personal issues that present themselves in a long-distance relationship, I have found that the time we spend apart has actually been beneficial in the context of school. I find that I can get easily distracted and fall off-track when I’m with my boyfriend, so having Mondays to Fridays to myself allows me to dedicate those days of the week to school work and assignments, so that I can have more personal time to myself on weekends and spend time with him. Also, commuting isn’t as bad as some people may claim—the GO train is efficient and fairly cheap for students and travelling gives you plenty of quiet time to read or work on any assignments. On a more personal note, spending time apart builds up anticipation, so when you finally see each other it’s more special and exciting, and this actually helps keep your love life livelier and more voluptuous. From my experience, distance truly has a tendency to make the heart grow fonder, not to wander! 

The key, I have learned, is that it takes dedication and commitment on both ends to make this kind of relationship work. As long as both parties understand the position they will be in and agree to work equally hard, long-distance can be simple and absolute. Unfortunately, depending on your program and geographical situation, long-distance isn’t always the best solution. Sometimes you have to decide what is more important for you at this point in your life, and there is no shame in doing what is right for you, even if it may be a hard decision to make. 

Like any relationship, long-distance takes hard work, dedication, and the acceptance that you will come across many hardships along the way. But you certainly don’t have to sacrifice love to do well in university, or vice versa. You simply have to remember to stay positive and keep a clear mind. So long as you both continue going the distance for each other, you will discover a sense of balance between your personal life and your academic pursuits.