Do you like love? 

How has dating, casual or long-term, as a student impacted your overall experience in university? Has it impacted your academics? 

A:If you look at my transcript, you can see the exact peaks and valleys of my relationships from my first two years at university because they were flaming disasters. In my current relationship, I feel like it’s been on such an even keel for so long that I feel very stable, so it’s allowed me to spend less energy focusing on the area of my life that took up so much of my time in first year. So because I’ve just been very happy and content in that area, I’ve been able to spend that energy on other things, which has been very nice.

N:Stepping into a new environment [in university] and learning how to date has helped me grow as a person and realize who I am, my likes and dislikes. However, because I’m more into casual dating, I don’t think it has really affected my grades or extracurricular activities and how involved I am with them. I schedule dates around any assignments I have due and my extracurriculars commitments, that’s just kind of how I go about it.                                              

A: It’s easy when you’re never emotionally invested. [Laughs] 

What are you most afraid of in relationships during your early 20s?       

A:I think my biggest fear has changed a lot since my very first relationship, which was in first year. I didn’t really know what I was doing. I think my biggest fear was losing that relationship, and I did everything I could to keep it going, but it wasn’t a healthy situation. I think that was my biggest fear back then and in relationships I had after that, but in my current relationship I think my biggest fear is the future. Being in fourth year is a very uncertain time, not knowing if you’re going to grad school, where you’ll be or where you’re going to be living after graduation. It’s difficult to be in a stable relationship because you don’t know if you might have to separate for a while or be living in different places, and that can be scary when you think you know you’re with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It can be a scary thought knowing that you might have to make a decision between furthering your relationship or furthering your education.                      

N:I think it’s a bit of a mix of everything. I’m really in this kind of a pivotal moment in my life, I’m just about to finish fourth year, and I don’t know what I’m doing after graduation. I don’t know if I’m even going to stay in the city. I’m afraid to commit to somebody and then become too attached to the point where I want to stay, even if it’s not what’s best for me, or if it’s going to be something that is preventing me from pursuing what I want to do.

A:I think it’s interesting how we both have a similar fear of not wanting to feel like you’re ever making a decision that’s not the best thing for yourself, even though I am in a really committed relationship and that’s a main reason why you don’t want to have a committed relationship. It’s a tough spot to be in.          

G: It’s a very similar fear, but in two very different situations. 

How open are you about sharing your relationship, whether in person or online? Are you conscious of privacy or of people knowing the details of your relationship?

A:I’ve only ever dated people in the Vic bubble, which is an unfortunate thing, but it’s just the reality of my life. I feel like every single time I’ve gotten together with someone or gone through a breakup, it has been very public. That kind of makes me sound like a public figure, but I’m not! [Laughs] In the Vic bubble, everyone talks about each other, so any time two people in the bubble get into a relationship or break up, everybody knows about it. Due to the nature of the people that I’ve been with in the past, people would know instantaneously and ask me about it. Honestly, it never really bothered me. I would say that I’m really glad that [my partner and I] have a similar group of friends, and I think people are very supportive of our relationship, so that makes me happy.

N:I, for one, have never dated anyone in the Vic bubble, or dated anyone seriously, but obviously I’ve casually dated and some people have stuck around more than others. At points, depending on who it is and how long we’ve been seeing each other, I’ve been comfortable bringing them around and talking about them to other people, and even bringing them to a party if I want to. It hasn’t bothered me too much. I’ve become very comfortable with letting people know who I’m seeing, even if it’s casual. Obviously, people will then know and find out, and they will offer me hot tips as to how to not be estranged or be too distant or too afraid to commit with this person, but that’s just always been my choice. Although it’s probably a fear, it’s kind of what I’m comfortable doing right now. I only post about my casual relationships on my finsta; I’ve never done it on my “real” Instagram or Facebook accounts. 

Do you like love?

N:Despite me being a sleaze ball, I do believe in love. I think I will be in love one day, but that day is not now. I think more so after my undergrad experience I’ll be more comfortable pursuing actual relationships, and hopefully that will lead, someday, to love, because I think it is real. It’s existent, at least.  

A: I’ve been in love a few times. I would say there are different types of being in love: there are very unhealthy types and then there are healthy types. I would say that the relationship I’m in now is the first healthy type of love I have been in, and it feels very different.  

N:Are you in love?  

A: Yeah!  

N: Just making sure for the audience. For discourse.  

A: You definitely learn a lot about it the first time you’re in love, and it can be very consuming the first time it happens, especially when you’re really young and you give it a lot of energy and power over you that it shouldn’t necessarily have. But that’s life, and figuring out relationships is hard. Once you get a good handle on it and when you’re in a relationship that you realize is actually good and healthy for you, you realize that the things that came before were not the best, and then that’s how you grow.