The positives of long-distance dating
I am in a long-distance relationship, and as of Valentine’s Day 2020, we will have been together for a year and a half. We fell in love in Trois-Pistoles, Quebec, on a French exchange in the summer of 2018. We fell in love on bike rides, hikes to waterfalls, and during badminton tournaments. Unfortunately, he is from Collingwood, Ontario, and goes to Western University and I am from Hamilton, Ontario, and I am a student here at U of T. As of right now, it will be two years before we get the chance to live in the same city. Over the course of our relationship, I have come to understand the difficulties of long- distance, but more importantly, I have learned that there are many positives to being in a long-distance relationship during university.
To be in a long-distance relationship, travel is required. I go to London, Ontario, many weekends and he often drives to Toronto to visit me. We forfeit study time, and parties in our respective cities. In a way, though, I see these hours spent in transit as a testament to the strength of the relationship. I will never question if he is with me for convenience and comfort, because few things are less comfortable than sitting on a Greyhound bus for three hours next to a smelly guy, a sleeping snoring woman, or a rancid bathroom. The time spent in cars, trains, or busses itself proves to be an obvious downside, however, each moment in transit to a greater extent stands as an act of love.
Sometimes the space hurts. Parting at the end of a weekend together is always sad and in some way, disappointing. I find myself wishing we could spend time relaxing on Sunday nights together without worrying about catching a train or talking about how many days it will be before we see each other again. Though, just like with travel, this sadness in parting too reminds me of the connection we have. Love can be felt in those moments of longing.
Love can also be felt in the excitement that each reunion produces. I can describe going to see my boyfriend like going to the beach. I have been before, of course, but the visits still do not fail to warm my heart like the sun or enchant me like the waves. This weekly or bi-weekly excitement that we collectively experience further proves the worthiness of our pairing.
In a long-distance relationship, you don’t have someone to comfort and take care of you on a daily basis. I wish I had someone to go through my cue cards with on a Wednesday night before a midterm, or give me a loving hug when I’m feeling blue. I don’t have a significant other in the city to comfort me during waves of sadness, homesickness, or anxiety. In this way, though, I can see in myself a strength stemming from my autonomy. I heal my own wounds of loneliness and stress; I build relationships outside of my romantic one, with friends and roommates. I know how happy we are together, and I know that I am also able to be happy when we are not together, and I am alone. Despite having been in a relationship for a year and a half, I have not become co-dependent and my friendships have only gotten stronger, both with his friends in London and mine in Toronto.
I often go solo to events my friends bring dates to. It is the worst dancing to a slow song and wishing my boyfriend was there. But I have found in his absence a closeness with my best friends that might not have otherwise been possible. It is common to have a friend get a significant other and fall off the face of the earth. The balance between being in the throes of passionate young love and maintaining friendships, for some, proves to be very difficult. Through my long-distance relationship, I am forced to live this balance. When I am not in the same city as him, I make my own life where I am, I go out with my girlfriends, I find things to do in the evenings, and I learn to be comfortable moving around the world without a man beside me.
Who knows, maybe deep down I am devastated that we do not live in the same city, and I have just given you a list of five negative aspects of long-distance dating and managed to turn them around to make them positive. But I hope not. I think that long-distance relationships do test couples in the right way, that they do strengthen couples both as individuals and as partners, and that they allow you to prove your love with every parting and every reunion.
Until we live in the same place, I will just love you from Toronto.
Comments are closed.