Why the New Star Wars Probably Won’t be Shit

The dawn of a new Star Wars era is upon us, but some fans are worried the new movie is going to be shit, just like the prequel trilogy.

Well, live long and prosper, because I’m here to tell you that the new movie won’t be shit, and the reason is that the prequel franchise isn’t quite as bad as people think.

In an example of weird double standards, some fans are excited that the actors from the original trilogy are returning for the Abrams movie, perhaps indicating Star Wars’s return to cinematic glory, but there’s a problem with this assumption. What have Mark Hamill or Carrie Fisher done since Return of the Jedi? That’s a rhetorical question, and even Harrison Ford isn’t an incredible actor. Aside from Guinness, James Earl Jones’s voice, and a surprisingly awesome performance by Ian McDiarmid (Emperor Palpatine), the acting was pretty weak in the originals.

By comparison, the prequels have Liam Neeson in Phantom Menace, Christopher Lee in Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith, and Ewan McGregor in all three, and they’re pretty good. McDiarmid makes a strong return, Joel Edgerton and Jimmy Smits appear in Revenge, and even Jake Lloyd, who plays young Anakin in Phantom, objectively wasn’t bad for a child actor. People point to bland performances by Natalie Portman, Hayden Christiansen, and Samuel L. Jackson as characteristic of the acting in the prequels, but really these roles are an exception, not the rule. This criticism seems more out of touch when you compare the generally overwrought acting in the originals.

People also claim that too much tech and CGI ruined the prequels, but particularly regarding Phantom, this criticism doesn’t hold up. There’s something to say for not overwhelming your audience with visual stimuli, but CGI is simply a part of filmmaking now, and in this context Phantom represents a creative mix of CGI and the older techniques that characterized the original movies. For example, Yoda was still a puppet in Phantom, while Jar Jar Binks and Watto were a mix of puppet and CGI. The pod race is also a good example of ‘90s CGI that has aged quite well (compared to most other 90s movies that used CGI), and it was filmed using a combination of camera tricks, real-world props, and CGI. Another neat idea that George Lucas accomplished in Phantom was to film the Naboo and Coruscant scenes mostly with CGI, and the Tatooine scenes with grittier camera techniques and props, highlighting the character of each particular world.

In the final analysis, people should realize that the prequel movies weren’t that bad, particularly in the case of Phantom, which did a good job of integrating some of the old characteristics that people liked about the old movies, but bringing some new cool stuff as well. And, come on guys, Clones definitely sucked, but Revenge was essentially an average action movie.

So, what’re you going to do this month?
Re-watch all six movies, and take deep breaths.
The new movie will be fine.

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