Every day, hundreds of heterosexual men in your community are afflicted by a condition called The Waist-Touch Disorder, or W-TD (known in the medical world as Unnecessitus Gropiosis). This grievous condition, aggravated by the close proximity of a woman, causes the man’s auditory and verbal abilities to become directly linked to the mobility of his lower arm. As a result, he is unable to speak to or even hear the woman unless he is touching her waist.
DID YOU KNOW?
This condition seems rampant, but how rampant? Close your eyes and count to four. Now, open your eyes. In those four seconds alone, approximately 3.7 waists were touched.
The internal struggle may not be apparent on the man’s face—in fact, he may look pleased with himself. The condition, however, originates in the brain, and directly impacts the nervous functioning of the affected areas.
HEY, THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME!
Plenty of heterosexual men may not know that they suffer from this condition. If you can’t seem to have a conversation with a woman without touching her waist, don’t worry! The main thing to keep in mind is that the condition does not affect your legs. When you start to feel your symptoms coming on, follow this procedure: take a step back. It’s that simple! That way, your arm may be up, but you will avoid touching the woman unnecessarily. You may not be capable of participating in the conversation, but at least you’ll be respectful.
WHO ARE THE VICTIMS?
Keep an eye out for individuals showing these symptoms in environments such as bars, clubs, restaurants, department stores, clubs, garden parties, bars, county fairs, clubs, vineyard soirées, bars, and clubs.
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE?
To see for yourself what this experience is like, try this simple experiment: first, put on the fluffiest pair of earmuffs you can find. Next, put a piece of tape over your mouth. Find two friends and have one stand behind you and the other stand in front of you. Now, try to have a conversation. That’s right, you can’t! Next, have the friend in front of you raise your forearm and place it on their waist. Then, have the friend behind you rip off your earmuffs and tape. You’ve just experienced a simulation of the Waist-Touch Disorder!
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
Band together with the hundreds of men and women who are unaffected by the Waist-Touch Disorder and practice the Run-Between. When you see an individual who is exhibiting symptoms, simply run back and forth between him and the woman, preventing contact between hand and waist. Studies show that by consistently preventing the waist-hand connection, afflicted males may learn to hear and speak without it.
CALL 1-800-022-3485 or visit www.waisttouchdisorderandme.com to learn more about the condition and how to donate to the cause.
Image by Emily Pollock
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