Illustration | Patricia Huang
Residents of a dormitory’s third floor have been expressing their concerns about a certain hallmate, calling her “aggressively nice.” The individual in question has allegedly been offering cookies at non-peak food-offering hours and writing unsolicited thank-you notes to her neighbours.
A hallmate, who will be called Melissa for the purposes of the article, had concerns about the nature of the cookie offerings. “I noticed that the individual offered them to me before she ate them herself. I couldn’t help but think that was suspicious. Could they have been tampered with, or expired? Or was she fattening us up for a purpose, like an ancient ritual?” Seeing as The Strand is a newspaper that prides itself in rigorous, factual reportage, no further investigation into the witchcraft allegations will be included in the article.
Many of these dormitory residents also admitted to feeling uncomfortable with the personalization of their thank-you notes. “They’ve got these details on them that indicate that she remembers things from our conversations. It’s like she’s invested herself in our lives or something,” her neighbour stated. The notes are only part of a larger problem. Another student shared that the community is worried about her good memory: “A lot of us have been talking about just how much she remembers. It seems like she knows all our names and programs of study by heart, as well as the music we like. It really makes you wonder how much she’s paying attention.” The individual’s ability to listen to her hallmates and remember details about their lives has put the community on edge. “You just don’t want to upset her, you know? It really makes us careful about the things that we say, because you just don’t have any leverage on her, while she has everything over us.”
Another couple, who will be called Barry and Len, joined in on voicing their concern. “The individual wrote to me that she liked my fashion sense. Could there be a hidden message in that? I think she’s being facetious here. I can’t imagine that someone would outright compliment me like that. Even though I do think my style is pretty amazing,” said Barry. His partner was equally disturbed. “It’s extra strange because we don’t know her well at all. There’s no way a stranger could feel so sincerely and be compelled to express such positive emotions towards my partner. It really just gives me the chills thinking about it,” Len stated.
The individual in question has also allegedly taped themed images for different holidays onto other residents’ doors, leading to much discomfort. Tom stated: “It’s uncomfortable to know that she actually touched our doors. Like, she doesn’t just walk by and ignore them like the rest of us. She really actively seeks out interactions with us. What does she want from us?”
At this point, the other residents have decided to band together. “It’s a really dangerous situation we’re in here. We’ve decided to do something nice for her at least every week and say hi whenever we encounter her, just to keep the situation at bay. We really have to look out for one another in these trying times,” stated Melissa earnestly.