Author: Sam Mazzilli

Students Wonder What Blazer-Wearing Student’s Deal Is

  Students in Aristotelian Philosophy lecture this week note odd behavior of student, Andrew Nedzweski—who appeared in class wearing a grey blazer atop his usual outfit. “I just didn’t see it coming,” an anonymous contributor notes, “I usually rely on his outfits for some form of stability in my life, and he has just thrown that all out the window.” Dr. Alan Yatteau, the teacher of the course, states his enthusiasm: “It’s really like he’s come into his own skin. I saw those lapels and wanted to give him a research opportunity right there.” Nedzweski’s peers are curious to see where this step towards maturity takes him, as well as what he will choose from his “Europe 2012” photo album as his LinkedIn...

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Student Wears Blazer To Class, Immediately Has Life On Track

Andrew Nedzweski, 20, arrived at his second Aristotelian Philosophy lecture donning a dark-grey blazer over his red Bazinga! shirt, a brash move which he says he “just decided to pull” after stumbling upon the blazer at the back of his closet. “I’m in third year now,” says Nedzweski, “so I’ve really got to buckle down. And I just thought, what better way to show off my maturity than adding a blazer to my trademark jeans, shirt, and running shoes look?” Upon leaving his house with this new statement piece, Nedzweski notes that his life immediately took a turn for the better. “It’s amazing! It’s only 1 p.m., bright and early, and I’ve already been mistaken for a grad student twice.” Nedzweski’s classmates describe watching him create a LinkedIn profile during the lecture, enroll in a Duolingo online course in German, and send hundreds of emails with subject lines “Employment Enquiry” but no content. Nedzweski is optimistic about where this simple outfit addition can lead. “The blazer has truly made all the difference. I’m about to run for president of the Political Science, Chemistry, and Cognitive Science student unions, and then maybe buy a suburban...

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UTSU Releases List of UTSU Fest Concert Performers Who Almost Agreed To Play UTSU Fest Concert 2016 As Some Kind Of Consolation

Each year, University of Toronto frosh are forced to passively discuss who may be this year’s UTSU Fest Concert performer, a question eclipsed in apathy only by “How’s the dining hall food?” and “What do you plan on doing with that degree?” While we may never know the answer to such queries, we can unhelpfully provide a list of everyone who has turned down the opportunity! Despite aggressive disinterest, the UTSU has—at no one’s request—to release the list of musical candidates who rejected the UTSU’s pleas to headline UTSU Fest. We did not ask them for this list, they just...

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