Author: Rebecca Gao

Sleeping with wet hair causes lifelong migraines

The latest findings from the International Mothers Conference will shock you  Mother’s Day isn’t for another couple of months, but moms worldwide were busy this past weekend as they congregated in Toronto for the annual International Mothers Conference (ICM). The weekend was packed full of presentations and keynote speakers, with one notable finding confirming that that wet hair does cause lifelong migraines.   “After living in the dark for generations, we can finally rest easy knowing that your inexplicable headache is a result of sleeping with wet hair, Bradley,” Susan Wong, a local mother, said while simultaneously addressing a panel of scientist mommies and scolding her idiot son.   This announcement comes after years of agonizing research by mothers worldwide, including the measurement of hair-to-moisture ratios, much to the chagrin of the children of the world.   Other new findings announced at the ICM include the discovery of cold water’s adverse effects on your health. The report doesn’t specify what health-harming effects cold water has, but the mothers have assured us that it’s very much true and that we should just be drinking warm water to settle our stomachs, goddamnit.   This revolutionary discovery came as a shock to many, and caused ripples of dissent to arise within the scientific community. Dr. Thomas Smith, a local neurologist, immediately told the mothers that their form of science was “patchy” at best and “devastatingly irresponsible” at worst. We here at The Strand disagree and are inclined to believe...

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