Author: Leo Morgenstern

I Decided Not to Change My Name to Jennifer Lopez

The beginning of university is often a time of change for many people. We’re young, we’re discovering new things about ourselves, and we’re getting ready to take on the world. Change is only natural, but one change was too much for me. When I came to Vic, I decided not to change my name to Jennifer Lopez and I stand by that decision. Here’s why: I would have to get a new bank card because my current account is not under the name Jennifer Lopez. If Aliens ever come to Earth and abduct all people named Jennifer Lopez, I will be safe. Whenever I receive a piece of mail addressed to Jennifer Lopez, I will know it is not for me and that the mailman has made a mistake. My orthopedic surgeon is named Jarnifer Lopez, and I don’t want to be confused with her. I will probably never be asked to perform at the Grammy Awards, which is a good thing because I am not prepared. The email address jennifer.lopez@gmail.com is...

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Heartwarming: When This Straight-A Student Couldn’t Afford to go to University, President Will Robbins Came to His House and Gave Him A Forty-Five Minute Sponge-Bath Instead

While many complain that the Victoria College administration is out of touch with the student body, President Will Robbins is anything but. That’s why he filled his special bucket with suds and spent almost an hour soaping up honour-student Jeremy Yang. And if you can believe it, the story gets even better; he did it for free. Here’s what the people have to say. “I’ve always wanted to hold a sponge, so it was basically a dream come true for both of us! And maybe next year he’ll get to go to university. Who knows?” — President Will Robbins, on dreams “Northrop Frye has a book as part of his statue, so why shouldn’t President Robbins have his bucket? It just makes sense.” — Finance Chair Graham Allison, on his petition to have President Robbins’ bucket o’ suds included in his president portrait in Old Vic “Hopefully I’ll get the chance to do something similar.” — Principal Angela Esterhammer, on getting to meet somebody named...

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