Reader:
Dear Magic Eight Ball,
I just started seventh grade and I have a big crush on a boy in my third period physics class. He wears Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirts and I think that that is very amazing. I am thinking of asking him on a date, but I’m scared he doesn’t even know I exist and I have a weird feeling he will scream at me if I talk to him. What do you think about me asking him out?
Nervously,
Phrightened_Physics_Phemale
Magic Eight Ball:
Without a doubt.
Reader:
Dear Magic Eight Ball,
It has been forty-seven years since my high school sweetheart, Sarah, and I were betrothed, surrounded by our many brothers and sisters (twenty-six to be exact!). We have since together produced sixteen beautiful children, all named after Republican presidential candidates. (My Sarah loves politics!) Lately, as I look forward to my first retirement vacation with my thirty-ten (little Newt Jr. is on his mighty way!!!) grandchildren, my forty-seven-year-old secret is bubbling up inside of my giant, Jesus-loving heart. I have been having an emotional (and physical) affair for forty-eight years with Sarah’s eighth brother, Rand. What should I do?
Sincerely,
MormonMoron483
M8B:
Try Again Later.
Reader:
Dear Magic Eight Ball,
I think I might be gay. What do you think my family will say?
Love,
Linda392
M8B:
Yes.
Gay