It’s that time of year when people get really into the outcome of award shows. In their current incarnation, however, the Oscars and Golden Globes lack some integral categories. So, when watching in February, take note of these newly-added yet vital awards.
Actor Least Likely To Win “Best Actor” Despite Numerous Past Nominations:
Leonardo DiCaprio
Peter O’Toole
Edward Norton
Johnny Depp
Favourite to Win: Peter O’Toole. He’ll probably get an honourary award when he dies. Sorry Leo, you can’t even win this one.
Presenter Most Likely to Screw Up the Pronunciation of Someone’s Name:
Ryan Gosling
Drunk Ricky Gervais
Leonardo DiCaprio
Lady Gaga
Favourite to Win: Drunk Ricky Gervais. He gets invited to everything.
Actress Most Likely to Be Demeaned by a Male Presenter:
Jennifer Lawrence, for her role in Joy. Jokes will make reference to her just because.
Rooney Mara, for her role in Carol. Possible jokes will make reference to her ambiguous sexuality in Carol and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
Alicia Vikander, for her role in Ex Machina. Possible jokes will make reference to her role as a sentient sex doll.
Amy Schumer, for her role in Trainwreck. Possible jokes will make reference to her for being an outspoken female comedian.
Charlotte Rampling, for her role in 45 Years. Possible jokes will reference her recent very racist comments.
Favourite to Win: tie between Amy Schumer and J-Law. Both are pretty polarizing, and oftentimes shitty people, but they remain the fodder for inappropriate and demeaning personal attacks based on physical appearance, weight, and just being women.
“Bad Film” Most Likely to Become an “Oscar-Winning Movie” This Year:
Fifty Shades of Grey for Best Original Song
The Hateful Eight for Best Original Score and/or Best Actress in a Supporting Role
Cinderella for Costume Design
The Revenant for, like, most categories
Favourite to Win: The Revenant. Despite its cool-looking naturalistic aesthetic, it’s a pretty “bad” movie. With few women, practically no actors of colour with dialogue, and a pretty spectacle-heavy story that hides many of these faults, I personally have a hard time calling it a great film. I’m rooting for Fifty Shades here.
Gaudiest Suit Worn By an Actor on the Red Carpet:
Jared Leto
Matthew McConaughey
Sylvester Stallone
Michael Fassbender
Favourite to Win: Matthew McConaughey. The ruler of bright, audacious, and often hideous suits. Perhaps Leto or Stallone could pull a surprise win, but given McConaughey’s track record it’s unlikely.
Best Films Academy Voters Didn’t See:
Phoenix—Christian Petzold
Timbuktu—Abderrahmane Sissako
The Assassin—Hou Hsiao-Hsien
Straight Outta Compton—F. Gary Gray
Creed—Ryan Coogler
Tangerine—Sean Baker
A Pigeon Sat on a Branch Reflecting on Existence—Roy Andersson
Favourite to Win: For these films, many of which don’t have any nominations, I’m not going to rank them. Instead, I’m just going to suggest you watch and enjoy them.
Hardest-to-Place Localized American Accent:
Cate Blanchett in Carol
Tom Hardy in The Revenant
Mark Ruffalo in Spotlight
Favourite to Win: Cate Blanchett, for the overly-affective speech patterns in Carol.
Best Franchise Film:
Minions
Jurassic World
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Mad Max: Fury Road
Avengers: Age of Ultron
Pitch Perfect 2
Favourite to Win: Minions, obviously.